Flowers Bloom At Night

back on the horse

2008-12-20T13:33:00.005-06:00

Last winter I started training for the Danskin Women's Triathlon. This was a big goal and project to help me lose weight, get into shape and accomplish something big! I was doing so well with my swimming. I was doing my 1/2 mile freestyle every day and was about to move into training on my bike when Brad died. This totally threw me off the horse. I couldn't concentrate on training and had little energy and motivation to keep training and to concentrate on my weight watchers program (it takes a lot of cognitive energy and time to track food and re-calibrate eating habits). Well, time has passed, I am in terrible shape, gaining weight, etc and it's time.....time to get back on the horse.

Today is day one of going back to Weight Watchers. I am in STL, so no gym for me. But, when I return next week I am going to start back to the gym and get into the pool. The event was in July last year - so I am guessing it will be the same again this year. So, my training schedule will be as such: Jan/Feb in the pool; Mar/Apr on the bike; May/June working on my jogging - which will be QUITE the challenge. I have never been a good runner, even when I was young and thin. I am hoping that four months of swimming and cycling along with weight watchers will help me lose a significant amount of weight so the running will come more easily. So, yeah! New Year - New Goals!

I will be very happy to see 2008 fall into the past. It's been a bad year. No, a horrible year. No, a disastrous year!!! But, I am feeling good about the year ahead. Emily is safe and working hard on her program. Graham has a job. I am nearing the final stretch in my MA program at Loyola. Graham and I are both falling into a comfortable place in our church community. A move back to STL is on the horizon. I am feeling ready to jump back into concentrating on my health and fitness. We are blessed.

Christmas is going to pass without much fanfare this year. This is the way I want it. I can't even believe it's a few days away. I have been spending so much time working in the shelter and spending time with my dear STL friends - time has flown by. I am looking forward to spending Christmas Eve and Day at the shelter. I have made some good friends there and look forward to playing card and dice games, knitting with some of the women and enjoying their company.

2009? *deep breath* bring it on.

cookie!!

2008-12-05T19:30:00.000-06:00

while we're on Colbert.....

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Cookie Monster

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

oh yes!

2008-12-05T19:23:00.001-06:00

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Nailed 'Em - Radical Knitting

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

all done!

2008-12-05T19:05:00.004-06:00

Approximately 7 minutes and 32 seconds ago I hit the send button on an email with my last paper of the semester attached to it. Hallelujah! I am starting to set new records in the paper writing department. Last Sunday I wrote 12 pages in 4 hours and today 11 pages in about 5 (probably less considering procrastinating exercises like smoking, cleaning, websurfing, facebooking, etc). Is this due to any progress in my writing ability? Not likely.....it's more due to the fact that I am just burned out, going through the motions and finishing as quickly as possible. That said, this semester has been fairly easy compared to some other ones I have muddled through. I am sure the fact that I have, personally, had a few difficult months adds to the burn out.

Don't get me wrong I love school - I love reading - I don't even mind the short writings. But, I am burned out on the long papers. Luckily, I only had three all semester. In my Women and Spirituality class I was able to do a lot of really interesting reading and research - but instead of a seminar paper, I was able to give a lecture on my findings. It went really well, too. :) However, that power point presentation may have taken me longer to put together than a big paper - but it was more creative, therefore it eliminated some of the anxiety and stress surrounding it, making it more enjoyable.

So, yes, I am officially finished with Fall '08 at Loyola. It's hard to believe I have been at Loyola for a year and a half now. Wow.

We had a lovely potluck dinner following class last night in my Spirituality and Women's Whole Health class. I spent the day huddled in a Starbucks downtown yesterday, instead of my usual Thursday routine which has a little more outdoor time, in transit. It was just tooooo cold. I usually go to my friend's condo on Thursday nights, while I wait for Graham to get out of class. Nope. Too cold. I went to the library and played on my laptop.

I am now gearing up for my trip to St Louis for three weeks......I am really looking forward to this. With all of the emotional messiness in recent days, it will be nice to be down there are staying busy at the shelter and spending so much time with mom and friends. It will be nice to be with people who "get it" and offer empathy and support during these difficult times. I don't want attention or pity - there's no need for either - but the times when friends and my mom have just said, "this must be hard for you," have offered me more comfort and solace than I can explain. Those nuggets of empathy are golden.

For now, I am staring at 3 days of glorious nothingness!! I will be working on knitted Christmas presents (shhhh can't disclose anything here!) and watching a pile of movies I have from the library (Baby Mama, Georgy Girl, Lilith and Intolerable Cruelty - wow a Coen Bros movie I haven't seen!) Speaking of Coen Bros - Blood Simple is on the new all movie channel I discovered, tonight!

I am off to find snacks and pay some attention to some dishes that have been greatly neglected.

I have awesome friends

2008-12-03T01:46:00.009-06:00

Awhile back I was brainstorming about gift ideas for all of the girls in Emily's program. I wanted to knit something for them, and at the time I was also thinking about how I wanted to make some homemade soaps. So, I decided to knit washcloths and make soaps to go with them. Realizing that 14 washcloths was a tall order, I put the call out to some knitter friends, Robin and Christy, to see if they wanted to help out and donate some of their beautiful handiwork. Not surprisingly, they said yes!! I am so touched by their effort and dedication. We got 14 finished! The soaps are tucked inside.

Additionally, our friend Melissa wanted to do something but she isn't a knitter. (We keep telling her it's never too late to start!) She does do beautiful work with beads, though! So, she made the girls some beautiful beaded bookmarks and there are trinkets on the ends of them. Soooo lovely. This picture is of the bundles after I prepared them to be shipped off for Christmas!

Just seeing them reminds me of what wonderful friends I have - beautiful souls, each one!! I hope the girls like their goodies!

look what I learned to do!

2008-12-03T01:41:00.004-06:00

Yeah! I learned to crochet! I had to get back on that horse. I actually bought a book and was sitting on my sofa teaching myself to crochet when I received the phone call that Brad had died. My first big crochet project was this small afghan that I made for Brad's father's 70th birthday. I managed to finish it in time for the big surprise party that was thrown for him. I am not sure if I ever want to crochet a granny square - ever again. But, I was pleased with my first attempt and had few problems. I learned quickly, but also had a good teacher. I took a one hour lesson from Carrie, who teaches crochet at String Theory Yarn Co. in Glen Ellyn.

my girl

2008-12-03T01:38:00.001-06:00

as beautiful as ever.

it's been too long

2008-12-03T00:57:00.003-06:00

Wow. I haven't blogged in months. Winter break is approaching and I will have a lot more time on my hands. I might give in to the blog temptation. Let's see......I guess to start back into my blogging life I should start with some dots.

I am wrapping up the fall semester. I was in three classes this semester, all of which were pretty decent. I am pretty much finished, though still have to wrap up one more paper, due this Friday. I was fortunate to take a class with a woman who may be one of the best profs I have ever had. She is more than a teacher, but has been a mentor to me. Her class had a radicalizing effect on me: theologically, politically, socially, etc. I had had those radicalizing moments in past classes - reading Angela Davis in my freshman year in college, reading Bordo and Foucault in grad school - but she expanded me even further. She is one of the most amazing human beings I have ever had the pleasure to know. I could listen to her lecture for hours. She is retired, so she doesn't teach multiple classes each semester. However, I am one lucky lady, she is teaching another class in the upcoming Winter semester. I am in.

Emily is away in residential program in Wyoming. It's so incredibly hard having her gone, especially at the holidays, but she is doing well. Things have been so hard since Brad died, and she was getting into some pretty self destructive behavior. We find out more and more as time goes on and she opens up. I am glad she is healthy and safe, but my heart just aches.

The last few weeks have been particularly difficult - I have been physically sick (strep throat and a nasty cold) and feeling really down, emotionally. The tears come easily these days.

I am so thankful for Graham's unwavering love and support. While it sometimes seems like we are ships passing in the night, our relationship is as strong as ever and I am always thankful just to be in his presence. It's nice to married to my bestest friend. :)

I am headed to St Louis in a week! I will be there for about 2 1/2 weeks. I will be working most weeknights at the women's homeless shelter that housed in my mom's church. Some evenings I will work dinner and leave at 10pm. Other nights I will be staying there all night. Graham will come down with the dog on the 19th and we will drive home on the 27th. We are going to be working at the shelter overnight on Christmas Eve and the evening shift on Christmas. With Emily gone, I really need a distraction, and maybe this will start a new tradition! I am looking forward to it.

I am also looking forward to time with mom, friends and their kids in St Louis. I am planning an Aunt Katie trip to the art museum with Callie's daughter, my dear little Esther. We will be joining my friend Robin and her 5 year old, Clara Jane. I am really excited about getting some Auntie time in. Robin and I are also planning a knit-in, with Golden Girls episodes saved on her DVR!

Oh yeah, speaking of the Lou - we are planning on moving back to St Louis! YES!! While I am certainly content and comfortable in my little corner of the world, outside of Chicago - I am not really a fan of living here. St Louis is so much more my speed. We weighed a few options and St Louis really is the best one. I have connections for jobs, there are good law schools for Graham, I know the school systems well (for Emily), it's a heckuva lot cheaper to live there, and when Em comes back from Wyoming we want to give her a clean slate. We will either be moving into my mom's townhouse, or looking at houses in Webster. It's still a long ways away - so we'll see how it plays out.

We will be traveling in mid January to see Emily in Wyoming. I am really looking forward to this.

I continue to be thankful for my friends in Chicago, St Louis and across the country. They have really reached out to me and have been so kind and understanding during the difficulties of this year. You know who you are. I wish I could say the same for most of my family.*shrug*

Oh yeah! I will be interning in Milwaukee in two programs. Most of my time will be spent working in a holistic healing center for women who have suffered sexual assult or childhood sexual abuse - I will also be doing some acute crisis work with assault victims in the emergency room. I visited last week and was really impressed with the program and with the people I spoke with. I don't start until June or July, but am already so excited. I am so ready to be finished with the program and get working. Most of my coursework will be finished after this spring. I will have a couple classes in the fall and spring next year - but they are courses that coincide with my internship. No, I am not moving to Milwaukee (though it would be nice) but I will be staying a couple nights with my friend Judy. It's nto a bad drive, either. There are days it takes me longer to commute within Chicago than the time it took me to drive to Milwaukee.

I continue to knit and knit! I am so addicted. However, my etsy shop never really got going. I did sell a bunch of commissioned baby sets - but I tired of them rather quickly. I have a number of projects on the needles right now - mostly Christmas gifts!

I have been watching a lot of movies from the library and seasons of The Office on DVD.

Every Thursday evening I go to my friend Sarah's condo in Rogers Park after I get out of class at the North Shore campus and get take out and watch The Office at 8pm. Yes, I am hooked. It is a highlight of my week. I love having a key to her place - home away from home, indeed! xo (she has AWESOME cats, too!)

I am reading American Wife by Curtis Sittenfield - after some pretty heady reading this semester, it's nice to sink my teeth into such a juicy beach read!

I guess that's about it - I am going to try and be better about updating. Now, back to knitting - or shower, book and bed - it IS almost 2am afterall.

bella flora - shameless self promotion

2008-07-08T02:40:00.005-05:00

I have opened my etsy shop - link is in the post title. I have only posted my first piece and hope to add to the shop almost daily. Please do give it a peek. I had thought about waiting until I had at least 10 pieces ready to go, but decided to go ahead and open up.

While I am starting out with flowers, I will be adding pieces with veggies, fruits and other goodies......I certainly can take requests.

Thanks

oh my.

2008-07-03T10:39:00.001-05:00

there are no words for the awesomeness of this:

as with the original, I think the keyboard guy is my favorite.

nostalgia

2008-07-03T01:57:00.005-05:00

The mid-late 90's were a good time for me.....college, good friends, England and a lot of fantastic music. Britpop was at it's peak and while I was quite the Oasis fanatic, Pulp probably remains closest to my heart. Different Class still feels fresh and vibrant to me. I have been listening to it a lot lately. It reminds of so many wonderful times - but one that stands out to me is working in the darkroom, dancing and singing while printing photos from my UK football (soccer) excursions.....not to mention dancing at the clubs on Whitworth Street in Manchester. Good times.

stomach in.

chest out.

or yr marks.

get set.

GO!

Okay, I can't get away from this without a little Oasis. Now, this isn't a band I pull out very often anymore, but once upon a time it was the main thing in my CD player. I love the early videos. The Gallaghers are just SO Manchester....the hair, the clothes, the swagger.....sorry to say that after their first 2 LPs and the B-sides from the same time, Oasis just went to shit. But for a shining moment - this was it.

2008-07-02T22:28:00.001-05:00

baby set
Originally uploaded by katherine stewart

2008-07-01T23:34:00.001-05:00

sunflower tam
Originally uploaded by katherine stewart

another picture of the tam

2008-07-01T23:33:00.001-05:00

sunflower tam
Originally uploaded by katherine stewart

this is one of my current projects - almost finished. I made this for myself - but it was also an experiment with knitted flowers, since they are going to be a big part of my online shop. I see a number of stitching flaws here. I am starting to knit quite well, but sew? eh. I have a lot of room for improvement. I am trying not to get too hung up on the flaws in this one......overall, I am quite pleased

finally

2008-06-30T17:17:00.001-05:00

Baby Sooie Blanket
Originally uploaded by katherine stewart

after finishing the squares months ago - I am finally getting this thing pieced together. I need to hurry - the baby it is for is due in a matter of weeks!

hat and matching bootie

2008-06-30T01:07:00.001-05:00

hat and matching bootie
Originally uploaded by katherine stewart

my mom commissioned this from me.....and I am getting paid. My first paid project! How about that! :) I need to readjust the tie on the bootie - but other than that I am pretty happy with these. The color didn't photograph too well. The green is A LOT greener.

new haircut

2008-06-30T01:05:00.001-05:00

new haircut
Originally uploaded by katherine stewart

my new haircut and a relatively new dye job

I am back.

2008-06-29T23:41:00.003-05:00

Yeah, the last couple months I have been quite absent from the blogging thing. Coping with Brad's death has been pretty consuming and I didn't want to soak my blog with all of that. I have other channels for directing all of that pain. These days I am coping and doing pretty well. I have never known grief as deeply as this one - so, I am always shocked when I start crying in random places - in restaurants and buses....Trader Joe's.....Starbucks......'tis the fickle nature of grief.

Anyhow, over the last 6 weeks I managed to start and complete two intensive summer courses (Addictions & Modes of Therapy and Research Methods & Statistics). I loved the addictions class, though the research class was a beast. So, now I have about 8 weeks until the fall semester. I will pick up some hours at IVP in August....but until then....what to do? Well, here's my plan. I have come up with an idea to turn my crafting into a business. So, I hope to make enough pieces to open a storefront on etsy.com by the end of summer. I am also planning on working on making homemade soaps, washclothes (I found the most delicious yarn for this) and preserving some jam.

We sold my old Accord on Friday - so the month of being a two car family has come to an end. There is really no reason for us to have two cars, it is expensive, etc - but oh, how convenient it was! I bought that car in 2002 and was pretty sad to see it go. It had 239,000 miles on it. I went on some great road trips in it and I had some pretty good years with it. Yes, tears were shed. So, now I will be on my bike in the daytime to hit up the library and yarn store. This is great, if it isn't over 85 degrees.

Things with Emily are difficult...... *sigh* She is in the middle of a two week grounding right now.

Sox swept the Cubs this weekend and the revenge is sweet. Speaking of baseball, we have tickets for the Stitch N Pitch night at the Sox in August. I am really excited. We are also going this Thursday with some friends. It is half price night. Woo!

I keep trying to make it to STL and was supposed to go this last week, but things with Emily put the kibosh on that. I am really frustrated. I do hope to make it there by the end of summer.

Anyhow, that's about everything up to date I guess.....I will certainly be posting about my crafty endeavors.

2008-05-26T14:54:00.002-05:00

I forgot....

2008-05-20T21:31:00.008-05:00

In the middle of all of the difficulties of the recent weeks, we did manage to get down to St Louis for my graduation from Southern Illinois University Edwardsville with my MA in History. We got in late Friday night on the 9th, got up early for a 9am ceremony on Saturday morning.

Everything went smoothly and nicely. We enjoyed a fairly quiet day, had lunch at my favorite Mexican place in Edwardsville and then met up with a few friends for a pizza party at Imo's Pizza, a St Louis delicacy (though you have to be from STL to appreciate it). The celebrations were low key and subdued, but it was nice to see some friends and spend time with my mom. We had cheesecake and bubbly juice at my mom's place afterwards. Callie hung out for awhile and we chatted about books and she gave me a really wonderful graduation gift. She gave me a book called I'm Proud of You: Life Lessons From My Friend Fred Rogers and a handmade bracelet (that her mom made) with the words "you can never go down the drain - Mr. Rogers" on it. What's funny is that Callie didn't even know I love Mr. Rogers!! So, I was deeply touched by her gift. I read the book in a day, and absolutely loved it. I recommend it!

We had a quiet Sunday and drove back in the afternoon. I wasn't sure if I could go down for this. The weekend before was Brad's funeral. At that time I said there was no way I could go. But, as the week passed, I decided that it was important that we go. It was hard, but it felt necessary.

My mom asked me if I felt any different now that I have a Master's Degree......haha.......nah. I am just glad that I pushed through and finished this, even as I am seeking another MA that I feel called to and I hope will lead to a meaningful career for the rest of my life. I will never stop being a history geek, and LOVED working on this degree. Those were some of the best years of my life. Thanks to all who supported me and encouraged me in the world of academia.

Brad 1971-2008

2008-05-20T09:46:00.005-05:00

As most of my friends know, my ex husband and the father of my daughter died one month ago. From all the evidence he died the night of April 21, and a number of us in his family believe that he died at 12:09am (which would officially be the 22nd). However, Brad was not discovered until Tuesday April 29th, when his sisters broke into his apartment to look for him.

There is no need for me to go into the details surrounding his death, the details are haunting. It was accidental and it is tragic. I have never felt such grief in my life. My complex and oft times difficult relationship with Brad is exacerbated by his death and I am struggling to put the pieces together.

Grief is a fickle mistress. The first week I was numb, sick and distraught. The second week I was doing better. I remember being shocked at the first day when I didn't cry within a 24 hour period. The third week was hard, as my cognitive abilities started to kick back in and I sat with the weight of so much that had happened during the week he was missing and the week after we found out. This week? It's been a rough one. It's funny how I will be okay and rolling along one moment and then I will be sobbing the next. I enjoy my quiet days, listening to the birds sing, though dread the quiet nights after everyone is in bed. That first week of grief was much the same. The nights brought such pain and I would fall asleep after sobbing into my pillow.

I have been blessed to be able to hold on to some peace amidst all of this pain. I am grateful that Brad's family allowed me to be a part of every step of the funeral process. I feel closer to them now, more than ever. I hope that we are able to stay close, and that Emily will find connection with them. I am grateful that Graham has been so supportive and understanding. I am grateful for the love and care I have received from my friends and some family. I am thankful for my spiritual grounding that has carried me through the hard days and harder nights. It doesn't make the pain any less; it doesn't make the pain easier to hold, but it does make the pain meaningful. There are times when I just have to tell a friend that I am sobbing and in pain, just because I can't hold it all myself. I am blessed that I was able to face the difficult acts of cleaning his apartment and being present for his cremation - both of which I struggle with now as I sit with them in my head; both of which I wouldn't have traded for the world.

I start back to classes this week. I already have so much homework to do (before class even starts!) that I can't even see straight. So, I will press on. What else can I do? But the pain is so real and so present. I am going to Nar-Anon meetings to try and work through some of this. Therapy is not far behind. For the first week, I couldn't listen to music, knit, swim, anything. Noise hurt my body. Now, I am swimming again and loving it. It really is the most meditative thing I do. I am able to completely empty myself and swimming feels like flying. It is so zen and my favorite thing to do these days. I still am not knitting but can listen to music and watch some TV. I am still very sensitive to noise.

I am worried about being alone all weekend, this week. But, there isn't much I can do about that.

Rest In Peace Brad - I know you had joy and light in your life - I just wish you could have had more of it. All I ever wanted was for you to be healthy and happy. You were not your addiction. You were not your demons. You were a beautiful and bright soul, who wrestled with such darkness. I hope you have found peace. We miss you so much and we love you.

oh fun....

2008-04-26T23:02:00.006-05:00

this song plays second fiddle to a more famous one (Daydream Believer) also featured in the same Monkees episode....I would argue that this one's better - though it is basically a Kinks ripoff.

enjoy!

it's amazing the old school crud I watch on a Saturday night, whilst knitting unable to leave the sofa due to illness......so far I have watched The Partridge Family, Monkees and now Mork and Mindy is on.

now that it's all over....

2008-04-26T16:54:00.004-05:00

I am really sick. Last night, I spent over 14 hours in bed, aching, sick and miserable. After a few weeks of insane amounts of work, non-stop verbal abuse from my child and coping with said child's bad decisions regarding boys and drugs - well, I crashed and I am still burning. I don't think I have ever had such a harsh physiological response to such intense psychological distress and depression. And what's interesting is how my body held out until almost literally I clicked the "send" button on my last paper re-write. Within hours I was nauseous, had intense abdominal cramps and my internal organs felt 6 times their normal size. Oh yeah, and my hands and feet were so sore it hurt to walk, knit, type, etc........it was all those high grade fever symptoms - but with no fever. Today, my body is weak and I am tired. However, I am a little better and at least I can knit. :) Inpatient hospital care has been on the table - but I am not sure how realistic this is on so many levels.

This coming week I will be picking up a few days at IVP. We need the money. Then, I am headed to STL on the 5th to spend some time with my mom, friends and kids. This is a MUCH needed respite. Graham and Emily will be coming to STL on the 9th for my SIUE graduation and we will return home together on the 11th.

We are still trying to figure out what to do with Emily over the summer. We actually are still considering long term residential care for her, which could last a year or two. Right now I am in such bad shape, I can't even decide what to eat, let alone make huge life altering decisions regarding my child's health and welfare. I hope we can come to some clarity within the next week or two.

Okay - good things? Hmmmm......the sun is out. There are blossoms on our bush out front and the trees are finally getting some green on them. I am thinking about trying a WW recipe for baked mac and cheese for dinner. I can knit. No papers to write or books to read. Cardinals won today. Oh yeah - and of course.....

...and back home.....

2008-04-21T00:42:00.006-05:00

Things are bad
We are looking at a possible move to St Louis this summer
I may transfer to St Louis University (MA in counseling and family therapy) and get a job
things with Emily have gone from bad to worse
We may be sending Emily to a residential care facility in Wyoming
I am tired
I just need to get through this week......please

update - things are calming down, a weeeee bit.

a transfer to SLU is just not really an option as I wouldn't be able to start until Fall 2009 and would only be able to transfer in 9 credits. It would be foolish.
for now, we aren't sending Emily to residential care, but are looking into possible outward bound type long term programs for the summer. Things are calm with her now, but still tenuous.
I am managing to get through the week. I only have 2 more things to do - one more paper and one more presentation. I will do them both tomorrow. Actually, make that three things - I have to do a rewrite on a paper. Ugh.
We are looking at getting a new car - well, new to us - a used Honda Accord......my old Accord is not doing so well these days. So, that's kind of neat.
No immediate move to STL is in the works now - though we will most likely move there in 2 years. I can't wait to get the heck outta Chicago.

a very tired happy update

2008-04-19T00:59:00.003-05:00

- I finished my MA in History today!! I did my defense and it went swimmingly......graduation, May 10!

- I went to a Cardinals game tonight and they won 11-1!! It was my first time inside the new Busch Stadium and it's beeeautiful, though some of the concourse shops/activities, etc are a tad crass and over commercialized.....can people not just go to a baseball game anymore for the BASEBALL??? I didn't leave my seat once ;)

- Susan Bordo who wrote my favorite book in the whole world is going to be a keynote speaker this fall at a philosophy conference at SIUE. My prof has suggested I submit a paper for presentation.

- I am going to another baseball game tomorrow.

- must sleep!

triathlon/fitness push update

2008-04-12T19:03:00.002-05:00

I am also going to use this heading to track my weight loss goals - since I joined Weight Watchers a week ago.....I joined WW last Monday, and weighed in at the gym.

I weighed in today - I lost 4 pounds in less than a week. yahooooooo!

I managed to get my 1/2 mile freestyle in today and then some slower, breaststroke laps where I do a lot of stretching (it is bliss). I struggled through the laps, but it doesn't help that my goggles are broken and so I am swimming without them. My eyes are on fire. I also hadn't been to the pool since last Monday. So, after a few days off, it's a little more difficult. But, I am still doing well - though not making much progress on my time.

overload!!

2008-04-11T16:46:00.008-05:00

Over the next two weeks, I have so much to do, I can't even think straight......however, I can check two things off my list and will keep updating as I go along. It will be nice to have it mapped out a bit.......Here's the scoop:

Yesterday
- Therapy Demonstration in Fundamentals: 30 min - finished!

Due Tues 15th
- short Human Development Paper on the issue of relational neurobiology and the concept of grace - finished!
- Big paper in Psychopathology paper on social construction, cultural location and rates of depression in women - finished!! (whew!)

Due Thursday 17th
- Big theology paper due finished!!

Friday 18th
-History MA defense in STL finished!!

Due Tuesday 22nd
- psychopatholgy take home final due (clinical evaluations and diagnoses) finished!
- in class human development group presentation (I am prepping the power point for this) finished!
- short paper due that correlates with the presentation finished!

Due Thursday 24th
- in class group presentation in theology (I am working on my written part now) finished!
- Big paper due in Fundamentals on advanced therapeutic techniques and skills finished!

--

In other news, I was able to get into the section of a class I wanted in the fall, so it opens up time for me later on the same day as the wanted section to take a class called Spirituality and Women's Whole Health. I am very excited about this one!

Graham is headed to a party tonight - I will be home studying. :P

this next month

2008-04-07T11:33:00.005-05:00

My goodness.....the next month is going to be insane. So much to do, so little time. I just finished off a weekend packed with good food, good friends and good times. Robin came and stayed with us. Thursday night we hit up a yarn shop in the south loop and then Miller's Pub. We picked up some cake on the way home and watched MST3K while we binged on it. :)

Friday we met some other friends at Giordano's for lunch, hit up a plus size boutique on Damen and then picked up Graham for a party out in Winnetka. Loads out of out of town friends and some in town ones, were there for an evening of food, drink and live music. We didn't get home until 4am, so we got a late start on Saturday.....but made the trek to Ethiopian Diamond and Metropolis Coffee in Edgewater. Graham, Robin and I had a quiet Saturday evening, and watched more MST3K and more knitting was done.

Robin took off yesterday morning and I spent the day watching baseball, relaxing and went to a friend's house to work on a class project. Then, Sarah came over to my place for a cook out and we did some dream work and animal cards. Too fun!! Oh yes, and devil's food cupcakes were made - the vegan way - with a can of pumpkin. They are surprisingly delicious.

So, now....I am off work for the next couple of weeks to work on reading and MANY papers.....here's what the next month holds in store.

3 big papers and a few smaller ones (in the next 2 weeks)
wedding on the 13th
MA defense on the 18th
Cardinals games on the 18th and 19th! woo!
presentation on the 22nd
take home final due the 22nd
last day of the semester is the 24th (yes!)
Graham, Em and I are all going to STL for graduation on May 10
Mother's Day with my mom May 11th
Graham's birthday on the 13th

Of course a few things in there are going to be fun......but, I am feeling very overwhelmed. I am excited to have a Mother's Day with my mom for the first time in years. We used to have a Mother's Day tradition of going to a Cardinals game - but, I don't think the Cardinals are in town this year. Bummer.

I am almost finished with the cashmerino baby blanket for Jenna. I still have to piece it together, but have one patch left to knit - I hope it turns out as nice in real life as it looks in my head.

I haven't been to the gym since last Wednesday - which is a bummer - so, I need to get back in gear this week. I am also joining Weight Watchers.

So much to do, so little time - and yet I find time to procrastinate and blog...... c'est la vie.

triathlon/fitness push update

2008-03-28T22:43:00.002-05:00

Quick update: tonight I did the 1/2 mile in 28 minutes and entirely in freestyle! We joined the gym 6 weeks ago and I couldn't even go more than 25 yards without getting out of breath when I swam freestyle - now I am in the groove!! How about that??

Sadly, I am just not losing any weight. This is very frustrating.

I am probably not going to get the road bike. Ahhh well.....like I said, wishful thinking.

wishful thinking

2008-03-24T01:01:00.002-05:00

There isn't much I regret in life, but one of the things I regret most was getting rid of my LeMond road bike. It pains me to think that I sold it for a couple hundred bucks after I spent an entire summer working for it, rode hundreds of miles on it, and it flew like the wind.....it was a thing of beauty. But, I was insistent on getting a commuter bike and got rid of it to pay part of the commuter bike off. Granted, the commuter bike is pretty nice - and I do like it - but it pales in comparison to my old LeMond. Now, with this triathlon on the brain, I keep thinking about how difficult it will be to ride it on my commuter bike. It is pretty heavy, doesn't gear well or ride fast......I used to ride for miles and miles on country roads on flat Missouri and Illinois farmland. I can't even fathom that now. So, all eyes on a new LeMond. Yup, there is is.....what a beauty. It is the low end one, like the one I used to have, but now they make them for women, which would likely be a better fit. Now, we surely can't afford it......though, what if I sold my commuter bike, put the money away and saved up? Hmmmm something to think about. I wonder if a local store would do a layaway option like when I bought my last one? I know I would ride the roads a heck of a lot more if I had a good road bike. My commuter bike just isn't good for that......and it would be good training for the triathlon and I would love to do long weekend rides again like I used to......hmmmm *sigh*

triathlon/fitness push update

2008-03-22T19:58:00.002-05:00

Today, Graham and I went to the swim shop and I got a lycra swim cap and some really awesome goggles. What a world of difference it makes! I did the 1/2 mile tonight in a personal record time, of 25 minutes. Having a cap and not having my hair flying in my face makes SUCH a big difference in my breathing. It also reduces the energy needed to fling said hair out of face. So, I just have to peek out a wee bit for that breath. I am also working on getting into a good breathing pace. So, this has helped a lot.

I am now up for 50% freestyle. I do 25 yards of freestyle and 25 yards of breaststroke......and maintained that rhythm for the entire 1/2 mile. So, I am improving. :)

After my 1/2 mile swim, I did a "free swim" which just meant I chose the style of stroke.....and did that for 20 minutes. It felt wooooonderful.

date set

2008-03-21T17:23:00.002-05:00

I finally have a date for my MA defense in History. April 18th. I will have to drive down on the 17th immediately after class, sleep, get up, go to the defense, and then drive back home. I have a wedding to go to in chicago on the 19th. So, my hopes for some time in STL have been dashed. I am really discouraged that I am doing the defense so late. I have three big papers due the same week I am doing the defense. The professors were pretty grumpy about picking another date. So, this is it. I had asked in January to do it in early March, around the time of spring break, or sooner......but the chair on my committee totally dragged his feet.

I ordered my graduation announcements and my cap and gown - so, I need to just do it, get it over with and trust that everything will be okay.

I am going to try and have some of these big papers done early......but, I am a master procrastinator....so, we'll see. I am already tense about it all.

*sigh*

knitting goodies

2008-03-21T16:23:00.005-05:00

Who knew knitting needles could be a work of art?! Well, when I was in Alexandria, VA at the coolest yarn store in the world, I discovered Lantern Moon needles. They are beautifully hand crafted needles, from Vietnam. I was so smitten with the beauty of them, I decided to look them up on the web and found out that this is a wonderful company.....here's a little something:

We work directly with our producers to provide income, education and self-reliance to Vietnamese women and their families.
In 2004, we established an educational trust fund to benefit the children of these families. The natural materials that inspire our designs are combined with traditional handcrafting skills that have passed down from generation to generation. Our knitting needles are crafted in a family owned and managed business that provides training and opportunities.

With your purchases you help provide a market for these wonderful products and contribute to the economic and social well being of the areas where they are produced.

So, knitters.....check out these beautiful needles, next time you are in the market for some. You can also purchase them through yarnmarket.com They are a bit pricey. You can get some nice Clover brand bamboo needles at a fraction of the cost. But, believe me, they are worth the price. They are like the Ferrari's of knitting needles! I want to recommend yarn market as well. I am working on a cashmerino patchwork baby blanket for a friend of mine. I was running out of yarn and placed an order with them on Wednesday evening, the yarn arrived this afternoon. I have never received a yarn order so quickly! I made sure to drop them a line to thank them for their prompt shipment. They have a lot of nice things, too.

greetings from virginia!

2008-03-15T23:17:00.002-05:00

After a long delay at Midway, Thursday evening, I made it to VA safe and sound. I have had an absolutely delightful time here. The kitties are so sweet. Ben and Jen are just so delightful to spend time with.

Day One (Friday): Jen and I spent a good chunk of the day working on the kitchen. We drank coffee, ate candies and had a lovely afternoon chit chatting and working through the boxes and cleaning through the drawers and cabinets. After Ben arrived home from work, we headed out for dinner at an Italian restaurant. After dinner, we hit up what could very well be the largest Whole Foods I have ever been to. As much as most Whole Foods Markets stress me out, I surprisingly enjoyed our visit to this one. They had a nice in house bakery and we each picked out a slice of cake. We also stopped at a Starbucks, where Jen so sweetly got me a Sbux gift card as a thank you gift for the work I did with her. We came home, chowed on some cake and hit the sack pretty early.

Day Two (Saturday): After spending some time laying Jen's bed, doing some dream analysis and talking, we started working pretty early and put in a hard day of work. We continued to work on the kitchen and managed to get it almost spit spot, in good shape, by the end of the day. I was pretty achy by the time we called it a day. But we had accomplished so much! Jen prepared the most delicious homemade mac and cheese I have ever had. We then ran a couple errands. Upon returning home, we relaxed in front of the TV, indulging in a fun fantasy movie called Stardust.

Day Three (Sunday): Today we took a break from work and Jen and I spent the afternoon in Old Town Alexandria looking at shops and hanging out while Ben went to deal with new car stuff at the Mazda dealer. We hit up this fabulous yarn store. They even had cookies and snacks laid out for customers! We took a stroll through the shopping district, stopped into some neat shops, and had some coffee, snacks, etc. Old Town Alexandria is gorgeous with the cobblestone/brick sidewalks and all the old 19th century (and some 17th century) brick buildings. The sun was out and it was a relatively warm day compared to the weather I have been used to. I was able to go out in my sandals and a sweater, which was so nice.

Upon returning home, Ben and I ran out for Chipotle, while Jen worked on some homework. We enjoyed a delish meal and I have spent the evening on the sofa, knitting and watching Turner Classic Movies. I also taught Jen to knit!! She picked up on it really quickly!! She is in bed now and we are planning on working some more tomorrow and then I will be heading to the airport around 5pm. I am going to stay up a little longer and knit an enjoy the on demand movies on their cable!

I am certainly homesick for Graham, Emily and animals - but I have thoroughly enjoyed being here and will miss the company, the kitties and the nice accommodations. Jen and Ben will be in Chicago in just a few weeks. I can't wait. Having them around is reason enough to move here. In addition, I sure do like it a heck of a lot more than Chicago. I love the hills, trees, historic buildings, etc.....then again, I like most places more than Chicago.

triathlon/fitness push update

2008-03-12T22:42:00.005-05:00

I know this isn't interesting to anyone else but me - but, I am doing this more for myself to keep track of my progress.....

So, since I decided to do the women's triathlon this summer, I thought I should see where I am at. My first attempt at swimming the 1/2 mile, I clocked in at 35 minutes. I spoke to a friend of mine who used to be a competitive swimmer and she gave me some tips and coaching about my freestyle. In the 35 minute attempt, I could never go more than 50 yards freestyle, before going back to breaststroke. I would just get so out of breath. It's not that I was swimming hard, I always aim for endurance, not speed.

So, tonight, I took my friend's advice and I was able to do 100 yard stretches of freestyle with a lot fewer laps of breaststroke in between my freestyle. Time? 29 minutes. So, I was able to shave off 6 minutes. Woah! Obviously, I won't be making big leaps like that all the time - but it was encouraging. I did 8 miles on the bike the other night, and was aiming for 12 but was distracted with teenage issues......

I have yet to do much with the run/walk (3 miles) but I wanted to work on my swimming for a little while first, before I move on to that. Since I won't have the gym again until next Tuesday, I am bringing some sneakers to DC/VA to at least do some walking. I am sure all that cleaning and box lifting will give me a good workout, too!!

off to d.c. tomorrow.....

2008-03-12T16:14:00.004-05:00

Who would have thought New York would have the next big political sex scandal? While Spitzer was right to resign, it is pretty pathetic that we still have a man (and his cronies) in the White House who have blatantly violated a number of laws, continue to engage in an illegal war, are involved in abundant fraud and corruption, and just keep on keepin on......now, if we found George Bush in the office with his hands down a woman's pants? (or man's pants) Well, he'd be back in Crawford, Texas with a one way ticket faster than you could say cigar.......It's pretty scary that we still remain such a puritanical state when it comes to sex, but yet "we" can "all" get behind a "good war." Yeeehaw.

But I digress......I am getting all packed up and ready to head to DC/VA tomorrow. I am excited about my trip and over the moon about seeing Jen and her kitties! I will be homesick, like I always am when I am away from Graham, Em and the animals - but the time will fly. We may hit up a few sites in DC......though since Jen gets tired so quickly, I am thinking we won't venture out too much, and that's fine! :)

I have been trying to wrap up a few knitting projects. I finally finished the scarf and am getting the tassels on now. Winter is almost over.....sheesh.....okay, Jenny can wear it NEXT winter! I will be giving it to her tomorrow in class.

I am off to the gym this evening and then doing an Adlerian assessment on Graham. That will be fun! :) I am sure he loves to be my guinea pig. Oh yeah, I am picking up more work at IVP, possibly two days a week, which will be great! I don't know how I am going to pay for my summer classes. I did apply for a partial scholarship, though I have no idea how to pay for the rest. I do not want to take a PLUS loan. So, I hope to be able to tuck some of this IVP money away from tuition.

quite a scare.......

2008-03-09T01:03:00.002-06:00

Emily has over to spend the night and watch movies this evening. Around midnight, I agree to walk with them to the 7-11 and get them some snacks. First I took Kerry out for about 15 minutes and then the girls and I walked to 7-11.

On our way back up the street, I stop suddenly and am a little alarmed that there are two men standing at my front door. I look a little closer to make sure they are in fact at MY door, and not another apartment. Yup, they were at my door. I stop the girls and we stand there for a moment. I can hear Kerry barking like mad, which leads me to think that they had actually knocked on the door. Usually he will just give a little growl if he hears voices passing by.

Keep in mind Graham is not home.

So, we watch the men walk away from our door and around the corner. We rush up to the apartment (where the door is not locked) and get inside quickly. Emily says, "mom didn't you leave the TV on when we left?" I am pretty sure I did. And at that point, it was turned off. The girls were terrified, I was terrified thinking someone is in the house. I dialed 911 on my cell phone and had my finger on the "send" button as I looked behind every door, in the shower and in every closet. Luckily we live in a really small apartment. I locked everything up, shut all the windows and pulled the blinds. I am still pretty freaked, and keeping the phone close.

I think the worst thing was how scared the girls were. They are laughing in the other room now, which is balm for my soul right now.

I am thanking the high heavens that we were not at home. I wonder what would have happened if these people had ill intentions and knocked on our door and I answered it?? Man. As some of you know, I have had some reasons to be a little extra cautious regarding the safety of myself and my family as of late. I am a wee bit paranoid......so, this was really scary.

Graham is on his way home.

who woulda thought?

2008-03-07T14:04:00.003-06:00

Okay, so this morning I agreed to do something I am not quite sure is possible. I agreed to participate in a women's triathlon this summer. Okay, it's not Ironman or anything, I know for a fact I would NEVER be able to do that. I initially laughed at the idea, thinking, "no way!" But after looking at the course, it seems quite doable. It is a 1/2 mile swim, 12 mile bike and 3 mile jog. It is being held near Kenosha, WI this July. I can easily swim a 1/2 mile, even if I can't do it quickly. I used to bike twice that distance when I was riding a lot.....running? Now there's the big challenge. I am a terrible runner with my crooked ankles and bad knee. However, with all the time I have spent at the gym, I think I could give it a go. My friend Nicky, who told me about it, and has been encouraging me, says you can even walk the running part.

While people do race for prizes, etc....a lot of people do it just to do it. I loved hearing her story about how her family got into it. She does it with her mom, aunts and friends. We are trying to get a group together.

I am excited and can't wait to hit the gym again with this in mind. I will do my best to update my progress as the event approaches. I have a lot of weight to lose and a big goal in sight...... here's to hoping.

on a mission

2008-03-05T23:49:00.004-06:00

Oh my goodness! What is that mess you ask?? Well, my sweet friend Jen, just moved from Providence to Virginia (DC Metro Area). This is what her house looks like. *gasp* Jen has had a rough year. This time last year she was getting ready for seemingly endless cancer biopsies, cutting out huge parts of her hipbone, etc.....it took months for doctors to figure out what was wrong with her. She went through really painful surgeries, tests, etc......luckily, she didn't have cancer, but still had some really severe health risks and issues. She still has a lot of trouble walking and she certainly is struggling to unpack from her big move and her husband is working long hours. Oh yeah, in the process of the move, her husband totaled their car in a snowstorm. She has not had a good go of things lately. :(

So, today, after I saw this photo of Barny struggling to unpack, I said....."let me at it!!" I love a challenge. I love to clean! And I really regret not being able to go to Providence last year when her health was in such disarray and she was scared and really struggling. So, next Thursday I am flying to DC and will be helping Jen to unpack her house and get it clean!!

I will be staying until Monday or Tuesday - and am being paid in cake. Yup, you heard it.....cake.

Of course, Jen and I will be indulging ourselves in some down time. She said to me, "even if you just came out, sat on my sofa, ate cookies and watched Roman Holiday with me a hundred times, I would want you here." So, cookies, sofa and Audrey Hepburn will be included - but I told her.....no way, we are going to CLEAN! So, I am expecting a few days of back breaking labor *wink wink and Jen whacking me with her cane saying, "put the cat litter THERE!! NOW!!" *nudge nudge

Call me crazy.....but I can't wait!!

happy birthday emily!

2008-03-03T13:57:00.003-06:00

It's hard to believe that fourteen years ago I was in labor with Emily. Fourteen years! Not only does it amaze me how fast she has grown and that she is now into her second year of teenagedom, but it amazes me how far we have both come. I had Emily when I was 19 years old. She has been with me for a better part of the formative years of my life.

To celebrate her birthday today, we will be taking her out for dinner. She will be bringing one of her friends. She got her hair done a couple weeks ago at a salon, with a fancy funky dye job and swanky hairdo. That was the big present. But, she has a few smaller things to open up. We got her a few shirts, some eyeliner pencils and a hair dryer. This Saturday, she will have a big party at our apartment with all her friends.

The picture here is of Emily when we were in Belize in 2003. We went over spring break that year, and it was (to this day) the only big trip we have ever taken. She is standing on the top of Xunantunich - Mayan ruins on the Guatemalan border. That was such a lovely time.

I am on spring break, though I am REALLY bummed that I will not be going to St Louis. *grumble* I could go, if I could rent a car and drive down, but we just can't afford it. I thought about taking the bus, but the schedule doesn't work well, and I need to be back on Saturday for Em's party - so, if I took the bus, I would have to return on Friday. I hope to get in some good gym time this week, tackle some research for a paper and I guess that's about it. After a nice warm-ish day yesterday, it is cold and rainy today. So, it's pretty blah. I have been enjoying the pool, and go up there almost every day. It has been such a treat. I love the freedom of the water.

Not much else to tell.....Happy Birthday Emily!!! xoxoxoxo

booties!

2008-02-23T13:38:00.004-06:00

My first pair of baby booties! I made these for the new addition to a friend's family. My only complaint are the seams in the back. I can't figure out how to get a clean seam. Otherwise, these were easy and quick. All my friends who have babies from here on out - you will be getting booties from me.

Also, please note the wine colored ribbon. I disdain the limitations of gendered colors blue and pink. Bah! I was at the store today buying a card to go with the booties and I hate how the "it's a boy!" cards are filled with trucks and baseball bats and the "it's a girl!" cards filled with dolls. Blech. So, I also bought a nice gender neutral card. :)

My other recent project were these hats for Esther and Abby. They were Valentine's gifts and I was actually able to send them off, so they did arrive in time for Valentines Day. I still have a couple other heart hats to make, but have burned out on them a bit. So, they aren't at the top of my list right now. But, I will get to it!

it's another freaks and geeks day

2008-02-14T15:21:00.006-06:00

After I got out of bed this morning, at 6:30am, I headed to the bathroom. When I was coming back out of the bathroom, Emily was standing at the door looking pretty out of it and complaining of a stomach ache. She then went into the bathroom and was sick. Poor thing. So, I told her to go back to bed. I felt bad leaving her alone for the whole day, so I decided to stay home from class. I had to run to the pharmacy, so I dropped Graham at work so I could use the car today. After I dropped him off I made quite a day of my day off.

First, I went and grabbed a decaf latte at Starbucks and then went to the bookstore. I just love having some time to meander around the store and sit in the big chairs and look at books. I ended up buying a overly sensational book about a woman's life in an FLDS (fundamentalist mormons) community and her escape from it. It looks like it likely isn't written particularly well, but it is a topic that fascinates me to no end. I have seen her on CNN and she made the rounds when Warren Jeffs was arrested. So, it should be some good train reading!!

I then came back home for awhile, holding down the fort while Emily slept. I, then, decided to run out and get my hair cut. Actually I needed my hair fixed from the BAD haircut I got at Great Clips the other day. So, I went to a local salon that Emily had been talking about. I had a really wonderful experience. The woman who cut my hair was so nice and she did a fantastic job. It's likely the best haircut I have ever had. I also got my eyebrows done. It wasn't too terribly expensive and I will certainly return. Happy Valentine's Day to me! I made an appointment for Emily to go next Wednesday. She is going to have her hair done and get it dyed however she wants. She is SO excited. This is part of my birthday present to her.

I am back home with Emily and she is feeling a little better. A new pair of jeans was waiting for me in the mailbox, along with a book I had to order from Latvia that my friend Gundy had recommended. It's the memoir of a Latvian woman who grew up in a Stalinist exile camp in Siberia. It is called Dance Shoes in Siberian Snows. I couldn't find it in any library that I have access to. I also had some yarn arrive and I should be able to finish that Emet Scarf I blogged about awhile ago. I finished a few more calorimetry backless hats in the last couple of weeks. They are all the rage! haha!

Em and I are hanging out watching more Freaks and Geeks. What a brilliant show......such a disgrace that it was canceled.

So, what a great way to spend the day playing hooky!! Graham and I will likely go to the pancake house for a Valentine's dinner. We also have a lot going on this weekend.....I need to make sure to find time to get some homework done! I am picking up an extra day of work at IVP on Monday.....so, time is pretty tight.

i read robin's blog and it told me i had to do a meme

2008-02-13T20:52:00.004-06:00

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was in Manchester, England trying to repair a very broken relationship. It was all my fault. I was stupid and very heartbroken. However, we love, live and learn.....I can't believe it was 10 years ago. Crikey. On February 13/14, I may have actually been in Liverpool drinking on Matthew Street. *sigh*

What were you doing 1 year ago?
I was in the middle of the most intense depression I have ever known. Last winter was just unbearable. I was stuck in a job I hated, felt my life had no meaning and that I had no future. I thought all of my college education was a waste. I was lonely and lacking support beyond my husband. At least I sought therapy and got my life back on track. I didn't like laying on the floor of the shower crying every night.....my husband wasn't too keen on it either. Bless him.....what a trooper.

Five snacks you enjoy:

chocolate, duh.
decaf grande nonfat nowhip white mocha
Raisin Bran
movie popcorn
Taco Bell

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

pick any Smiths song
Guns of Brixton - The Clash
The Game - Echo and the Bunnymen
The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra
Cocaine Blues - Johnny Cash

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

leave Chicago
buy a house - preferably a small farmhouse on enough land for some animals and a garden
give a lot of it away
open a holistic counseling and/or retreat center for women who have been abused and/or assaulted
travel (Peru, Italy, Cuba, Afghanistan, Latvia, Russia, Argentina)

Five bad habits:

procrastinating
snacking
social anxiety
starbucks
buying too many books

Five things you like doing:

hey! my mother in law reads this! *blush*
reading
knitting
playing violin
spending time with family and friends

Five things you would never wear again:

Esprit sleeveless sweatshirts
jelly shoes
neon green clothing
ill-fitting brassieres
polyester (I wish)

Five favorite toys:

MacBook
knitting needles
iPod
violin
Guitar Hero

If you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged.

pulling myself out of the muck

2008-02-13T13:36:00.003-06:00

Ugh. Where did my energy go?? I think it ran away and I am looking for it.....desperately.

So, as of Jan 1st I went vegetarian. This wasn't a problem as I was one for years and it was easy for me to re-adjust. It also helps that I am married to one. I haven't felt much change since then, except a reduction in overall appetite, which is fine with me. So, then, last week for a number of reasons I decide to cut caffeine out of my diet, entirely. So, as of Friday, this was done. I also figured while I was at it to cut out artificial sweeteners. If I am not drinking caffeine, why on earth would I even bother with soda anymore? So, I am now on juice and the occasional Sprite at a restaurant. My mom always says a little sugary soda now and then is way better than a boatload of chemical sweeteners. So, I will go with that.....

Well, I crawled through a 24 hour caffeine withdrawl migraine headache on Sunday. Monday I was still pretty bleh and tired. My body always takes an additional day to recover after a migraine. They are so brutal. So, then yesterday I was tired all day and then painfully tired by the time I got home in the evening. Today, I could barely manage to push myself out of bed. I drove Graham to work this morning, and could barely keep my eyes open in the car. I came back home and slept and slept. I just feel horrible.

So, has caffeine been keeping my motor running artificially? Am I really this much of a mess? I am guessing I need more protein in my diet. I also need more exercise. Right now, I don't even walk much downtown because of the snow. In the nicer weather I was walking the 2 mile jaunt to the Metra station from class. I felt so much better, all around. Now, it's a pain to get to the corner to meet the bus.

Graham and I are talking about joining the fitness club up the street. They have an indoor pool, a track with a little give so it's easier on the knees, basketball courts, fitness center, whirlpool, sauna, etc.....I am hoping we can join. I spoke to the membership guy today and he gave us a pretty good deal. There is a 30 day money back trial, so I am hoping Graham is game.

Just so I could get out of bed, I forced myself into sweats and sneakers and took Kerry out for a walk around the neighborhood. The sun is out today and it was a blessing to get some exercise and soak in a little sun. I definitely feel better for it.

I think I am also down because I got a really bad haircut. The woman actually layer my bangs.....you hear me?? layered!! I have little short pieces mixed in with my regular bangs. What is this?? 1986?? UGH! I am now tempted to get REALLY short bangs, just to even them out. Layered?? sheesh. I just said to trim them.....not destroy them! haha

If we do join the health club, I will need to buy a swimsuit. Now, that should be fun. *rolls eyes*

too funny

2008-02-12T22:45:00.003-06:00

Okay, so this parodies the Obama video, which is kind of stupid and embarrassing (as much as I love Obama)......but, this is totally hilarious.

bono at five stories!

2008-02-03T01:51:00.000-06:00

This evening Graham, my friend Sarah and I had a delicious meal at Gramma Sally's Pancake House and then headed a few towns over to hit up the 3D U2 movie at the IMAX. I wasn't sure how watching a five story tall and 7 story wide screen would sit with my stomach, especially with the 3D effects. I am happy to report that I made it through with no problems. It's hard to describe the film, though it is nothing less than breathtaking. We got to see most of the big hits, with only a few from the Atomic Bomb album. I was pretty disappointed that Bono didn't do the spoken word part of Bullet the Blue Sky, which is probably one of my favorite parts of any song. There was no I Will Follow or MLK - but I won't complain. I got to hear Pride and With or Without You for the gazillionth time. Both are great songs, but I could go the rest of my life without hearing them again and be alright with that. It's amazing that The Joshua Tree still sees such play at their concerts, 20 years later.....Bullet the Blue Sky, Where the Streets Have No Name and With or Without You......

In other news, I found one of the greatest crafty inventions. I am making some hats for my friends' kids and they require pompoms on top......I hate making pompoms. Now, when I say hate, I mean DESPISE!! I can't stand cutting the cardboard circles and then threading long strings of yarn around and around. It usually gets knotted up and quite messy. So, when I went to the fabric store today, for something else, I asked if there were such a thing as pompom pre-made circles......no, but there's such a thing as a pompom maker!! The store I was at was out of them, so I hit up the black hole known as Hobby Lobby. I don't go there very often, but had some time restrictions this afternoon and had to get home. So, I was able to pick up the pompom makers there. Yes! I even called my mom to tell her, I was so excited. I finished up the hats tonight for Esther and Abby and have them ready to ship off.

I have been investigating practicum opportunities over the last week. I have found a few I will be applying to. One is a domestic violence organization, one is rape crisis and one is a community counseling center. I want to apply to 8-10 sites to make sure I land something. I feel good about the opportunities. Graham and I are discussing babies - so if THAT happens, I will push my practicum back a year, finish up coursework next year and then do practicum. We'll see....we'll see.....

Still no word on when I will do my oral defense for the History MA, but I hope to hear something soon.

I have a number of projects on the needles.....not too much to show though.

I guess that's about it......

sometimes, we just need a day off

2008-01-30T15:44:00.001-06:00

For Emily, and for the rest of us, the last few days have been a little intense and difficult. Over the weekend, Emily was almost behaving intolerably. Then, come Monday, some things I can't really disclose in public happened with her father. She handled it with with maturity and grace, well most of it anyway. This saw me sitting up with her until 1am. I think a lot of what came out of it was very cathartic for her. She has been quite pleasant over the last couple of days, relatively speaking. I really hope that we can take some of this into counseling, where we can explore more about the effects her dad's sickness and abuse has had on her. I really think if she is able to address this successfully, she will lead a much more pleasant and happy life.

So, this morning, she comes into my room at 7am complaining of a stomach ache. I wasn't going to press the issue, or grill her too much, and just said, "go back to bed. You can stay home." She actually likes going to school, so when she wants to stay home, I know she is not feeling well.....at least to some degree. After all, when we are faced with significant psychological and relational difficulties and traumas, our bodies can really be affected. So, let the child rest!

After a nice lie-in until noon, she got up and helped me clean the apartment. We then hunkered down on the sofas with blankets and pillows and watched Freaks and Geeks, which I rented the other day. I really thought she would like it (I was right). We ordered in sandwiches and enjoyed a lazy afternoon.

Emily doesn't spend much time with me. She is usually quite difficult to be with. However, today was a treat and it feels so nice just to hang out with her and goof off a little and talk about silly teenage things. For all of the teeth gnashing I do over her, I sure do love that kid.

oh. my.

2008-01-27T19:33:00.000-06:00

Graham knows how to instill fear in his wife. And you all thought he was so mild mannered. Confession: That is actually my mask from the 80's.

currently on the needles

2008-01-21T12:35:00.001-06:00

...these are fun to make and keep a head warm in this coooold weather! I love them because they keep your head warm, yet you don't get that pesky hat hair. I have a few in line to be made for other people. They very popular right now and have to be one of the most popular knitting patterns around these days. People I know who see mine keep saying, "will you make me one??!" I found some nice buttons to finish them off, but my friend Tracy who designs and blows her own glass beads is making me some custom buttons in trade for one of these. I love being able to trade handmade goods!! Now, if only I could get to my studying. The knitting keeps calling me. Okay, once the homework is done...THEN knit!! Yes. This works. Right??

The pattern can be found here.

Here's one that is finished:

march 19

2008-01-20T11:09:00.000-06:00

at the Metro. I am very happy.

car wrecks, monsters, and korean food

2008-01-20T10:15:00.000-06:00

Okay, how often does one get to say that they went on the worst date ever with the greatest person in the whole world? Not very often.....so, the story must be told. I should add that none of the craptasticness of the night was due to any of the company present. I thoroughly enjoyed the company of each and every one.

Last night Graham and I met up with his cousin Colin, his girlfriend Samantha and another friend. On our way out the door Graham mentioned that he was cleaning up because it was a "date." I gave him a little silly grief, because it didn't fit my definition of a "date" - it was a group of friends hanging out. But, I digress. By the end of the night I am sure we both wanted to dismiss the whole idea of it being a date since it turned out to be a wreck.

After a long afternoon of studying, I was extremely hungry. So, we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite on our way into the city. We hopped onto the Eisenhower and as we are approaching downtown, there is a car and a pick up truck about 100 yards in front of us driving aggressively and lane hopping at about twice the speed of the flow of traffic. Just after we both commented on how stupid that truck was being it lost control and spun out across four lanes. As this was happening in front of us, what felt to be in slow motion, my brain was just firing off and it was coming out my mouth, "I think you should slow down. I think you should slow down!" My life flashed before me and I held my breath in anticipation of a billiard ball effect of car after car being hit and spinning out. This is my biggest fear on the Eisenhower, since people drive too fast and too crazy all the bleepin time. By some divine intervention, not one.....yes, not ONE car was hit. The truck ended up on the shoulder facing forward. The first words out of my mouth were, "wow, that was some divine intervention right there, Pulp Fiction style. Ya know, like God diverted the bullets." My heart was racing and I was panicked for a good 10-15 min afterwards. Strike One.

So, we spend the rest of the drive talking about the incident and finally arrive to pick up Colin and friends. We went to see the movie Cloverfield. Now, I didn't know anything about this film going into it. Nada. As I was waiting to use the rest room some women behind me had just seen it. I turned around and jokingly shushed them and we talked for a minute. They asked me if I had a heart condition because it was scary. I laughed with them and was anxious for a good intense, suspenseful monster flick! Well, I wish they had said something to the effect of, "do you get sick in the car easily?" instead of joking about a heart condition, because my goodness I got wickedly ill in this movie!!

The whole movie is shot with a digital handheld camera. The concept is that it is a home movie filmed through a small video camera. I lasted about 30 minutes. Then came a scene where a woman gets really sick, pasty white and looks like death and I thought, "that's how I feel right now." I haven't had motion sickness that bad in years. I kept thinking, "when I puke, which cup should I grab?" I almost got up and left the theatre, but I knew the bright lights of the lobby were bound to make me feel worse. So, I just laid on Graham's shoulder with my eyes closed for a bulk of the film and listened to it. I would open my eyes when I knew the monster was coming, so I could see it. I still feel like I "saw" the movie" because so much of it is audio based. So, by the end, I am just a wreck.

We get out to the lobby and start discussing it. Graham told Colin that I was really sick and he looked at me and said something to the effect of, "wow, I can see it in your eyes. You look really wrecked." Yup. Strike Two.

After the film we head to the Korean BBQ on Western Ave. I was wary of this venture, since I am now keeping a vegetarian diet. Graham has been there before and enjoyed it, so I figured it would be good. The whole place was filled with smoke, since you cook the meat at your table. There were fans, but it was still pretty smoky. I still felt pretty sick and we were there a long time. I didn't care much for the food, though the company was nice. All I could think about was, "I really want to go home and eat Raisin Bran." About 15 minutes after all of our food was served, the server brought a bag filled with food to go. We were very confused and said we had not ordered anything to go. She fingered Graham as the culprit and started berating him about what he had ordered. We may have ordered a 2nd hot pot, there was some confusion at the time of ordering, but certainly not to go. They took the bag back to the kitchen and about 5 minutes later the server came back and spoke very tersely with Graham again accusing him of lying and whatnot. I could tell he was really upset about this and made a passing comment about how he was never going to come back. I wasn't sure if he was joking or not. The rest of the table laughed it off, but on talking to Graham later about it, he really was upset about it. Strike Three.

So we head back out into the BITTER cold by about 11pm. We drop everyone off and head home. I am pukey sick again the whole way home, my hair reeks of smoke and I am freezing. I do manage to get a shower and hop into bed feeling like death.

It was great to see Colin (and friends) and I always love time with Graham, regardless of the circumstances, but maybe we should have just stayed home. ;)

cold air, short days and busy times

2008-01-19T12:23:00.000-06:00

The deep freeze has set in and it is actually cold in our apartment. Usually if the temp is above 20 degrees or so, we have to crack the windows because it gets so hot in here. Now? It is actually cold. So, you know it's cold! I am planning a long weekend of studying, knitting, hot drinks and Graham and I will be going out to dinner and a movie tonight with his cousin and some friends. So, that will be nice.

The last week has been a teaser as to how insane and tiring the upcoming semester will be. I am in six classes, though one is zero credit and has no homework (thank God). On Tuesdays I have Human Development, Psychopathology and Identity Integration (zero credit). On Thursdays I have Theology of the Developing Person/Theological Anthropology (which is the theological component to the development class), Fundamentals of Pastoral Counseling and Spirituality: Mystics and Social Activists (MLK, Dorothy Day, Thomas Merton and Abraham Heschel). On Fridays, for at least a month or two, I will be working at IVP, helping my old boss pick up the pieces on some projects. I worked there yesterday and the day went quickly and pretty painlessly.

On Thursday evening, I came home, completely overwhelmed and exhausted. Being gone from 6:55am - 8:30pm is tiring. I have my doubts about the ability to juggle all of this, but Graham is being encouraging and I am mapping out my study schedule and finding ways to tackle all of the work. Needless to say, each class has a crazy amount of reading and a lot of writing. I am going to have to make knitting a reward for myself once my other work is finished. This will be hard, since it has been really central in my activities lately. I have a number of projects on my radar. I knit throughout my theology class the other day, which was nice. Also, if I sit at the table, with a book that can hold itself open.....I can knit at the same time. Now, that's talent!!

a flower for natalie

2008-01-13T02:43:00.001-06:00

, originally uploaded by katherine stewart.

the final image from our memorial ceremony of readings, letters and prayers for Natalie on the banks of the Mississippi in Ste Geneveive, MO.

RIP dear friend.

well, well

2008-01-11T19:02:00.000-06:00

Six years ago this summer, I stood on the Malecon in Havana, Cuba and fell in love with one of the most beautiful countries in the world. It pushed me into graduate school where I specialized in Cuban History. I finished my coursework in 2005, but because sometimes life gets in the way of the best intentions, I never finished my MA. I never took my comp exams.....until TODAY!! Last April I started the road of prepping for and taking three major exams. Now, I am finished!! I do still have to defend my exams and writing, but I could do that tomorrow. I am not even worried about it. It has been a long haul. I am now in another grad program, and love it, but it is such a relief to have actually finished my History MA that I started years ago. Wow. I will be walking at commencement this May.....May 10 to be exact.....and mom is throwing a party! I think we will be celebrating with a baseball game. How Cuban! :) haha

Anyhow, I am beat......but I am so relieved and so exhausted.

Tomorrow, memorial vigil for Natalie in St G with Robin - it will be a bittersweet day. It's been a strange week.

For now? Imo's Pizza......movie......and a hot bath with goodies from Lush.

I am blessed.

for natalie

2008-01-07T23:22:00.000-06:00

Oh natalie, my sister in the struggle.....I am going to miss you so much. My tears fall like rain. Sleep well dear one.

Sleep
Sleep tonight
And may your dreams
Be realized
If the thunder cloud
Passes rain
So let it rain
Rain down on me
Mmm...mmm...mmm...
So let it be
Mmm...mmm...mmm...
So let it be
Sleep
Sleep tonight
And may your dreams
Be realized
If the thundercloud
Passes rain
So let it rain
Let it rain
Rain on me

farewell dear friend

2008-01-07T13:27:00.000-06:00

After a flurry of text messages and confusion this afternoon, I was given the news that my friend Natalie Jane Jacobs died on January 3rd. I spoke to her a few days before that. I know she had been feeling sick, but I never thought it was more than the flu or some yucky bug. I just can't believe she is gone. It doesn't make any sense.

I swiped this picture from another forum she posts on. But, she loved that photo and showed it to me on a number of occasions. It cracks me up.

Natalie was a complex person, who had many passions and interests. She was in training to be a midwife, and we shared a common interest in fighting for the health and rights of women. She and I both loved talking politics and ranting about the state of the things. She loved Harry Potter, and even wrote loads of fan fiction, which I teased her mercilessly about. She loved pirate movies and novels about the high seas in the 18th century.

She also loved music - Sonic Youth, Jim O'Rourke, XTC and Wilco....oh yeah, and a lot of strange avant garde stuff that i couldn't even begin to "get".... haha! She made tinfoil scupltures and was a phenomenal writer.

I never hung out with her much in person, since she lived 1000 miles away from me, but we spoke frequently and we had even tossed around ideas about writing a book together.

Oh Natalie, I can't believe you're gone. I am really going to miss you. I will keep fighting the good fight, and you will never be forgotten.

rest in peace.

for robin

2008-01-07T01:20:00.000-06:00

a young, lovely, freckly Bono - this is from the concert on the deluxe Joshua Tree DVD - enjoy

A totally underrated U2 song, as well. It reminds me of my time in Juarez. I have even made the argument that the second side of the Joshua Tree is better than the 1st - even though the 1st side has Bullet the Blue Sky and Running to Stand Still. Dang, I just love the Joshua Tree.

heart hat

2008-01-06T01:21:00.001-06:00

Heart Hat for Norah, originally uploaded by katherine stewart.

my latest project.

2008-01-04T11:42:00.000-06:00

part one:

part two:

iowa!

2008-01-04T10:57:00.000-06:00

How exciting is this?? Obama wins Iowa! While I spent my evening at Caribou last night, I was checking in on the results every half an hour or so. When word came through that Obama had pulled off a significant win in Iowa, I wanted to leap up and shout with joy and tell everyone present about the victory. Obviously, he is still far from the nomination, but this is a big step! If Obama can take New Hampshire, I think he will take it all. Looking at the GOP pool, I really don't see how anyone could defeat him in the general election. Nationwide polling, for some time, has shown him to be the only Dem who will win every match up against GOP candidates. From the first time I heard him speak, I just knew he was something special. He is the first candidate in my lifetime that makes me feel good about politics. Sure, I worked for Kerry, and wanted him to win, but really....he could have been anyone. At the risk of making politics sounds like a sporting event, GO OBAMA!

In other news, I finally got a response from my prof with a batch of directed questions for my exam. I was terrified to open the attachment, but then extremely relieved, if not overjoyed, to actually read them. Most of them I feel 100% confident on, and the few I am wee bit shaky on I will be studying for over the next few days. At least I now know where to direct my time and effort. Yes! I almost wish I could take the exam tomorrow. I am ready.

I accepted a temp/part time gig with my old employer. It's only one day a week (Fridays) and it pays alright. The job itself is really crappy and boring, but with an insane school schedule, it won't be so bad to be braindead for a day. ;) We hope to be credit card debt free this year and should be by summer.......all of the money from this job will go towards that. Yes!

Also, Tommy is addicted to Pounce treats. I think there is crack in them. This morning I woke to find him climbing on my nightstand to get to them. I then put them under my pillow, and he came digging under my head for them.....crazy cat.

and the studying continues......

2008-01-03T01:31:00.001-06:00

I am finally starting to get on some sort of pace here. My exam is in 8 days. ouch. I am basically resigned to the fact that I will not be ready. I don't think I will ever be ready. So, I am going to do what I can and do the best that I am able on the exam. The worst that can happen is I fail and have to do it again. I do not WANT this to happen, and would be pretty upset if it did - but at least it's not all or nothing.

I have to admit that I have not dedicated as much time to this exam as I had to the other two. I am also frustrated that this professor has been of very little assistance when it comes to advice, direction or any kind of help......well, as far as this exam goes. He was one of my fave profs in school and always wonderful to work with. I know he has a full plate, but I am really flailing out here. I wish I had some sort of inkling as to what my exam question was going to be. I am digging through loads of material with no real idea of what I need to be zoning in on. So, I just feel like I am grappling in the dark and am feeling entirely overwhelmed. Ah well......

I leave for St Louis in a week on Wednesday the 9th, and return on Sunday the 13th. Loyola starts back on the 15th. I got an email from my Psychopathology prof and he is recommending we start the reading before we come to class. *sigh* It's going to be a rough semester. I am excited about it though, and looking forward to being back into my downtown routine. I am getting to be a little house happy.

emet scarf project

2007-12-31T23:25:00.001-06:00

In these days of greed, corruption, imperialism and deceit, speaking the truth can be a revolutionary act.

In many traditions the color blue represents truth. Therefore, when the color blue is worn around the neck, it represents the speaking of truth.

The word for truth in Hebrew is "emet" which is what I have named this scarf. I have stitched in the word "emet" into the scarf in Hebrew script.

I would like to start a revolution and get the world to wear blue and speak truth!

You don't have to use Hebrew. You don't have to put any lettering on the scarf. I plan on making some without lettering and I would also like to make some using Arabic, Russian, etc.....

I am still thinking of a way to perk up the design and will be experimenting with different yarns.

If you have seen this post, and are going to make an Emet Scarf - or just a blue truth scarf in any language, or with no language......please contact me. I am hoping to get a website up about my project and keep track of people making these, in the name of truth, love and peace.

my other favorite stewart.....

2007-12-30T00:08:00.000-06:00

have you ever seen him sing and dance? My mom discovered this film awhile back.....what a treat!

best of 2007......literary edition

2007-12-29T16:00:00.000-06:00

Top 10 Books I Read This Year:

10. Practicing Our Faith - ed. Dorothy Bass

9. Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert

8. The Male Body - Susan Bordo

7. Arc of Justice - Kevin Boyle

6. Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen

5. Imperial Life in the Emerald City - Rajiv Chandrasekaran

4. Black Boy - Richard Wright

3. Unbearable Weight: Feminism, The Body and Western Culture - Susan Bordo

2. A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini

1. The Road - Cormac McCarthy

final friday youtube installment of 2007

2007-12-28T17:44:00.000-06:00

Shakira and "Danzig" mash-up.......this just cracks me up. Hat tip to Robin.

And to quote Callie, "can you believe we ever liked Danzig?" Definitely one of my more embarrassing musical choices of days past. I just cant get enough of things that make fun of his Neanderthal nature haha! Did I mention there is a youtube video out there of "Glenn Danzig on Books"? I kid you not. It's no parody. But, it is totally laughable.

so....

2007-12-28T17:09:00.000-06:00

Christmas has come and gone. I had a lot of trouble getting into the Christmas spirit this year. We got the tree up, bought and made some gifts, but it just never felt like the holiday season.

However, one thing Christmas did bring was the chance to go to St Louis and see my mom and friends. Whee! We had a really nice visit there and I will be back there in less than two weeks.

I finally got to meet one of my favorite online pals (fellow VCer and knitting obsessive) Robin, and we had a fun day/evening of Guitar Hero, some knitting, coffee and a delicious meal out. Even Emily had fun!! That was a joy.

I *heart* Robin!

Mom, Graham and I got a chance to go see The Kite Runner. It is very true to the book, with a few details left out. We all enjoyed it and it was nice to see with mom, since she had read it too. I am glad that it wasn't as sappy as the ads made it out to be. Ya know, with the syrupy orchestration and the default male voice talking about the one movie that will change your life. A beautiful film, of a beautiful book. Definitely worth seeing. It's funny, Graham and I have been to two movies in the last few weeks. We rarely go to the theatre, and had only seen one other movie in the theatre all year. Splurge!

Christmas Eve was delightful. I spent the day with Callie. I got to dote on her wee ones for a bit, and then she and I had a meal out at the Pasta House. Yum. I spent the afternoon with Dave, doing a little last minute gift shopping. Well, he did some shopping - I sat on a bench in the mall reading Cormac McCarthy. I never was much for malls. He then spent the evening with us at my mom's house. We had lots of yummy food, played Taboo! and enjoyed some reminiscing next to the fireplace. Graham, mom and I went to Christmas Eve church and then I drove Dave home very late. We did gifts on Christmas morning, and had to drive home later in the day, back to Chicago. I was quite weepy.

I got some lovely gifts: circular knitting needle set with interchangeable cords (WOW!), some nice books and CDs and I think that's about it. My favorite gift of the year was the print I got for Graham....an MST3K parody of a George Bellows (my great grandfather) painting. Whenever I see Bellows parodies pop up in pop-culture references, I feel like we have arrived! lol! I saw one in The Simpsons recently - and of the same painting. Graham also got an MST3K dvd set from his dad - and ones we haven't seen. Yippee!!

All in all, December has been a lovely month. I have been studying for my exam on the 11th of Jan - but I have also been getting in plenty of rest, knitting and time with friends. The next semester at Loyola promises to be a lot more difficult than the last.

I have been working on a new knitting project that I will talk more about soon. It is my own invention, and design (though a simple design). Once I get some photos and have more time to write about it, I will. I finished most of Emily's hat I did for Christmas, but it's just too small. Bah! So, I didn't finish the liner on it. I may knit it over again and adjust the pattern to make it wider. I like the yarn I used and loved the design......so, it won't be a big hassle. It knits fast, too! I am still working on the MSt3K scarf for Graham - though I am just not pleased with it - I may try a change in technique and yarn......I have been contemplating my next step there.

A few year end words of advice:

- read The Road by Cormac McCarthy. Hands down, the best fiction I have read this year. Yes, I am on that bandwagon

- go see No Country for Old Men. Hands down, one of the best films I have seen in a number of years. (book also by McCarthy) However, this film is not for the squeamish. It is hard to watch, can be pretty nerve wracking and terrifying, but wow - what a work of film making genius. The Coens' rarely disappoint.

Happy New Year!

tuesday at the 'bou

2007-12-18T12:46:00.001-06:00

it's amazing how quickly the day can pass when you are in the back of a Caribou Coffee, nose in book, taking notes etc.....it's already almost 1pm. I swear I just got here. I have about 100 more pages to tend to today and then have to finish a knitting project for a Christmas gift that I am mailing off.

I was supposed to leave for St Louis today, but decided to wait and drive down with Graham on Friday. I know it sounds weird, but I just don't like traveling without Graham when I can help it. We travel so well together, and I really treasure that time. In addition, we had a crazy day yesterday and I was just beat tired. I couldn't even think about packing. I also didn't want Graham to have to deal with getting Emily, dog and car ready and then drive down on his own. He has so much to deal with, with work and all. I know if I had gone to St Louis I wouldn't be concentrating much on studying, which I REALLY need to be doing. I just can't slack at all. My exam is 3 1/2 weeks away. Yipes!! So, I think I made the responsible decision, even if I would likely prefer to be hanging with my pals, eating Imo's and doting on toddlers.

My last grade was finally posted for Loyola.....I had my first 4.0 semester, ever! I have come very very close before. But, in undergrad there was always a lame class that got neglected so I could work in the studio - and in grad school, I never did well in Spanish. So, this is exciting!

I picked up the 20th Anniversary Joshua Tree Box Set this morning. I got a little Christmas gift money. That was at the top of my list, so I am quite excited. I plan to watch the DVD this evening.

We went to Graham's work Christmas party last night. I was tired to begin with, but I felt SOOOO out of place there. Graham didn't know very many people there, and it was just really out of our element. We ended up having a couple drinks at the end of the bar and watched the Bears game. That was nice. We then came home for some MST3K. :)

Back to the books.....at least the one I am reading right now is tolerable.

Also, do yourself a favor and see No Country for Old Men. Yes, it is violent, but it is the art of film making and storytelling, perfected. I have never read any Cormac McCarthy, but put in an order for this book and The Road for some post exam reading.

for one oh one

2007-12-13T16:37:00.001-06:00

you've been rick roll'd

one hundred

2007-12-13T16:11:00.000-06:00

wow, this is my hundredth post.....exciting, huh? I was hoping to make it something spectacular....but, how can I top the two Go-Go's videos I already posted today?

I just heard from my Lat Am History prof and we are good to go for a Jan 11th MA Exam on Cuban History. Now, I just have to be ready for it! Ouch. It is nice to have this deadline, as it has now become an issue of now or never. I will have it finished before Loyola starts back in on the 15th. There is no way I can squeeze it in during the semester, since I have a very heavy class load this term. I will then do my oral defense sometime in the spring semester, but I am not too concerned about that.

I am heading to St Louis on Tuesday to spend some time with my mom and friends before Graham, Emily and Kerry join me on Friday evening. I will be using my days to study and my evenings to hang out and have fun. My mom has decided to sell the house in St Louis, which I am still struggling with. We have had that place since I was 14. She had considered giving it to us, but we all decided that it wasn't the best fit for our family. So, I will be saying my goodbyes to the townhouse on Waterman Ave. It's such a great place.

My high school 15 year reunion is the Saturday after Christmas. This is where I went to Jr. High. I left the school my freshman year. I am not planning on going. I may have a quick change of heart, and drive down over that weekend. I am not sure. I may hold out til the 20th. I went to the 10th, so I got to see everyone all grown up. ;)

I think that's about all there is. I am still enjoying my new coffee maker and have been good about getting my exercising in. I have been knitting like mad to get Christmas gifts completed. I just need to study....study.......study.

go-go's vs. bangles?

2007-12-13T12:28:00.000-06:00

It falls in line with all of those other vexing eternal questions: chocolate vs. vanilla, stones vs. beatles, oasis vs. blur, cubs vs. sox.....you can only choose one.

Well, sadly, aren't they really the only all women bands in the 80's who played instruments? (well, on top 40 radio anyway) *sigh* Come to think of it, how many bands are there made up by ALL women in any decade? And I don't mean girl groups of singers, I am talking bands. I can think of a handful....how about you?

Anyway, I am sorry Susanna, but the Bangles are simply a low rent, second rate Go-Go's. Ok, so Walk Like an Egyptian was fun for a few minutes, and it's nice to hear every few years on 80's radio. But, the Bangles don't hold a candle (or an eternal flame, har har) to the Go-Go's.

Coming out of the LA punk scene (heck, I think Lorna Doom - of Germs infamy - was in an early incarnation of the Go-Go's, if I recall correctly) the Go-Go's were a pop force to be reckoned with. Even in their pop music, you can hear twinges of their punk roots. This is likely why they really stick with me.

In the 80's days of muscle shirts and the male dominated recording industry, these women stood out to young girls like me, who for the first time wanted to be the band, not be a girlfriend TO the band! Sure, we had our fill of vacuous female pop stars in the 80's....none of them could play an instrument. But, these women took charge of turntables, stages and televisions. There was none of this pouty, come hither Like a Virgin nonsense......they didn't need that to sell records. One could argue that they were popular because they were a novelty, a one off. I don't think this is the case at all. They were a solid band and wrote catchy, fun pop songs. They had a vibrancy and, dare I sat it, liberated sexuality, that attracted men and women alike. These were the women I wanted to be like: spirited, fun, talented and in charge.

So, how about you....Go-Go's or Bangles? (or Bananarama? do they count? did they even play instruments? - that Cruel Summer song was pretty awesome....well, it was when I was ten. ha!)

glenn danzig goes shopping

2007-12-12T11:54:00.000-06:00

Thanks Robin for the link - this is hilarious.

been guarding the homestead with a pitchfork for many years now

2007-12-12T11:17:00.000-06:00

Bonfire of the Disney Princesses

This trend started when my Emily was on the tail end of the age that this concept was being marketed to. Thank goodness. However, while I gave into a number of toy concepts, the Princesses were banned from darkening our doorstep. (oh yeah, and the Bratz)

I was always really distressed with this whole princess concept and especially with the grotesque abundance of princess swag. Not only were the Disney princesses banned from our house, but any shirt or item that suggested, "I am a princess," or "it's all about me," were off limits. This consumerist trend for young girls to be self centered and narcissistic is not only disturbing in the present, but I believe it has had significant negative repercussions on our girls as they grow into young women. Add in the fact that in these princess stories, most of the women have to lose something or give up something of themselves to please or rope in a man.

Emily never had these things, but it amazes me how narcissistic and self obsessed she is - add in an inflated sense of entitlement - and you have my daughter, and most of the girls she knows. I know she didn't get this from me. I tried everything to curb this kind of thinking. It is evident that the princess trend is just a piece of a much larger cultural puzzle, symptomatic of the cultural ills....ethnocentrism, imperialism, glutton, consumer capitalism, crass individualism and self absorption.

I promote care and respect for self and for others. I stand behind the development of healthy self esteem, self worth and valuing the wonderful talents and gifts one has. However, the princess line of thinking breeds unhealthy narcissism, and ultimately low self esteem. The whole marketing campaign is to sell things, not make young girls feel worthy or good about themselves. There is a difference between healthy self worth and self absorbed entitlement.

These days, as it has been for so long, girls are identified by what they associate with, not by what they do. Its about trinkets and clothes, boys and bands. Not that I am opposed to all of those things.....but, within reason. And the thing is, she is the opposite of princess culture on the surface. She wears dark eyeliner and dyes her hair black. However, these days, the whole "emo" thing is just a black and red version of the princesses.....it's all neatly packaged and ready to sell. Emily has given up all forms of personal creativity and expression for a shallow identity wrapped up in an image she bought at the mall, what she has and what consumerist products she likes. I have been grieving and mourning this.

Just the other day, Emily saw that I had put a photo of some friends of mine on my computer desktop. She said, "you aren't in that picture.....so, why is it on your desktop?" I was a little surprised by the question and answered, "well, they are my friends and I like the photo." Later, I realized, I should have used the opportunity for a "teaching moment," because on her computer she puts pictures of herself......not with friends....just pictures of herself (ya know with the come hither, myspace smoochy face). I don't understand this. But, it is just part and parcel of this "it's all about me" culture....yuck.

40

2007-12-11T23:24:00.000-06:00

Taken from Psalm 40, this might be my favorite U2 song. I never really noticed it in all my years of listening to the War LP. This song was playing in my car when I came to the realization that I was in love with my now husband. We had pulled into my garage in St Louis, and I put the car into park. Casually, he said, "I love this song." We sat there for a moment, the engine still purring, looking at each other, and I had this overwhelming sense of love and peace overcome my whole being. He leaned in and gave me a kiss. The rest is history.

I do revisit the psalm and lyrics of this song often.....have used them in theological reflections and papers....

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long...how long...how long...

treat your mother right

2007-12-11T22:56:00.001-06:00

oh, happy day!

2007-12-11T22:27:00.000-06:00

Today, I decided to purchase a coffee maker. Now, you might say this isn't a very big deal. But, it is! It is my first coffeemaker! I can't even tell you how wonderful it is to have the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the house. It also has a timer so you can set it to go off in the morning. This will be perfect for when I am rushed in the morning to get downtown!

This evening I made a cup of coffee with pumpkin spice creamer and a little Splenda......Happy Day.

***UPDATE

I programmed the coffeemaker to brew at 7:30 this morning. I just have to say that groggily emerging from sleep, in bed, with the smell of freshly brewed coffee in the air is bliss. Yes.

it's a patrick swayze christmas

2007-12-10T11:28:00.000-06:00

I was reminded of this earlier this morning. Had to share.

In related news, Graham and I decided yesterday that MST3K could very well be one of the greatest things on earth.

sampson and friend

2007-12-09T13:52:00.001-06:00

sampson and friend, originally uploaded by katherine stewart.

A squirrel approached our screen door this morning. He and Sampson got to be rather well acquainted. When we opened the glass door, the squirrel proceeded to climb the screen door. I think he was after food. Sampson just wanted a new friend.

MAPC Ladies

2007-12-08T10:24:00.001-06:00

We had a lovely Christmas celebration last night at Nancy's house. These are some of my favorite people in the world.

your weekly youtube installment

2007-12-07T09:39:00.000-06:00

"Where the Streets Have No Name" is more like the U2 of old than any of the other songs on the LP, because it's a sketch - I was just trying to sketch a location, maybe a spiritual location, maybe a romantic location.

I was trying to sketch a feeling. I often feel very claustrophobic in a city, a feeling of wanting to break out of that city and a feeling of wanting to go somewhere where the values of the city and the values of our society don't hold you down.

An interesting story that someone told me once is that in Belfast, by what street someone lives on you can tell not only their religion but tell how much money they're making - literally by which side of the road they live on, because the further up the hill the more expensive the houses become.
That said something to me, and so I started writing about a place "where the streets have no name."

- Bono from Propaganda 5, 1987

we got our tree up tonight

2007-12-05T21:33:00.001-06:00

our tree, originally uploaded by katherine stewart.

I put up the tree tonight after Emily left in a huff because I wanted to listen to *gasp* Christmas music! Sampson is quite taken with the tree, as per usual. At least he hasn't tried to destroy it yet!

winter is here!!

2007-12-05T21:32:00.001-06:00

Graham and Kerry in the snow, originally uploaded by katherine stewart.

Sunday Night Soul

2007-12-02T23:13:00.000-06:00

Sharon Jones rocks my world.

on a roll!

2007-11-30T10:45:00.000-06:00

I am finishing projects all over the place! Yesterday, I finally cast off the second of a second pair of Bears colored legwarmers. I made some for a friend awhile back and did the stripes incorrectly. I still gave them too her, but wanted to do a second pair. I made these a little wider so they would fit me well. This is the first thing I have ever knit for myself, other than a 20 minute headband.

I finished them up yesterday morning on my commute and in class.....just in time for the freezing commute home in 19 degree weather. Ouch. My calves were toasty. Sadly, they don't stay up well over my knees, so I may sew in some elastic in the top ribbing to help them get some grip.

I am now plotting my next knitting move. I don't want to divulge too much on here, since I plan to knit for Christmas gifts. I am feeling a little low since I am pretty much done with all of my projects. I still have to piece together my cousin's afghan. I am planning on working on that today and this weekend.

turning a new tea leaf

2007-11-28T10:15:00.000-06:00

After eating too much over Thanksgiving (though less than in past years) and subsequently seeing some recent photographs of myself, I have decided it is time to finally buckle down and commit to some serious weight loss. I would like to lose about 75 pounds over the next year. I ordered an exercise video (I am too embarrassed to tell you what it is) and am going to stop the fast food lunches. However, the biggest challenge is to stop drinking white mochas at Starbucks. Even though I get them with skim milk and no whip, they are still chock full of sugar! So, I am trying to make some significant behavioral changes and am going to move to drinking black tea, with a little skim milk and splenda every morning instead. This is day one.....I went to Argo Tea instead of Starbucks, just to make it easier.

My goal is not to calorie count or get obsessive, but to make some significant changes in my diet choices. I am a creature of habit, so the daily mochas and Thursday afternoon Ben and Jerry's will be hard to break. It's like smoking for me. It wasn't the addiction, it was the habit.

I am ready....I will do this!

2007-11-28T01:09:00.001-06:00

Your Score: The Rabbit Spirit

You scored 67% Creativity, 72% Compassion, 41% Strength, and 54% Intelligence!

You are a Rabbit Spirit. You are very sweet and kind, and can be creative. You are sometimes nervous and shy, and are very alert as to what's going around you. You have a couple good friends, and love frolicking in the meadows.

bullet the blue sky

2007-11-27T22:16:00.000-06:00

The Joshua Tree is being re-released. It's been 20 years. It has been a staple in my rotation for all of those years. Every few years I re-discover it and get new meaning out of it. I plan on picking up the new remastered edition - but I have already been revisiting it pretty frequently in recent weeks. This video is from Rattle and Hum - but it counts right? After all, it is the Joshua Tree tour. This song has always been a favorite, but has really gained a lot more significance for me recently.

Enjoy.

all finished!

2007-11-26T23:54:00.000-06:00

Today, I completed two projects...

1. While I was on the way to Kansas, I was able to knit in the car. This was a miracle! So, I was able to finish the pair of legwarmers for Sarah! I tucked in the yarn ends this evening and will be giving them to her tomorrow!

2. I finished my big research paper on Feminist Psychological Theory and Therapy. I read way more than necessary in preparation, but better that than not enough. I am relieved it is finally finished. It has been hanging over my head all semester.

In addition to this news - I finally was given an invitation to join ravelry.com which is a fabulous online knitting community. I found a fantastic MST3K pattern and plan to make a hat or a bag with it. I am not sure yet. It is intarsia, not fair isle, so I am unsure of my abiity to perform. Ugh.

I am glad to be home from Kansas. I think Graham is the only human being I can be around non-stop for days and not tire of. Other people? Not so much. It was nice to have a day to myself today. Tomorrow, back to the grind at school....next week is the last week. Now that the big paper is finished, I only have a couple smaller writing projects and a presentation to do.

Break will be here soon - but that only means I will be prepping for my 3rd MA exam....crikey. I will be sure to set aside SOME knitting time!

finding your narrative

2007-11-25T21:05:00.001-06:00

The other day in my methods class we were talking about narrative therapy. I found it interesting to think about the stories and films I am drawn to and why I am connected to them. Here's the trailer from my all time favorite. So, what does it mean? ;)

What themes are prevalent in your favorite stories? What does it say about you, your life, your personality, your dreams, your fears? It is fun to explore!

i can't wait to see this

2007-11-24T16:05:00.001-06:00

the way of the cross

2007-11-19T20:59:00.000-06:00

As I have been reflecting upon my time in Georgia, it has been next to impossible to lay claim to words that describe, explain and explore what happened there. I am not a good writer and I am sad that I cannot convey the experience well with words. Here is an attempt to do what feels like the impossible. I am not able to do justice to what it is like to stand before power in the light of God's abundant grace. Much love to those who journeyed with me.
____

We approach the barbed wire fences, as the names of the dead ring out under gray skies. Tears sting my eyes as I struggle for forward momentum. Sobbing. I bury my eyes in the comfort of another’s shoulder. Clutching arms, our feet find their way, for we follow the way of the cross.

Here - before the gates, before the School of the Americas, before the home of our nation’s complicity in gruesome atrocities, before a system of death and destruction carried out in our names - we follow the way of the cross.

We claim the power of naming - naming of the dead: babies, children, brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers, grandmothers and grandfathers - each one with a story, a name, a story. All are named, though only God names some, for their bodies could not be identified. They are all here. Presenté. White crosses raised in victory over death. Lives lost and grieved. We pay respect. We follow the way of the cross.

We denounce torture. We decry murder. We turn our backs on rape. Not in our names. We follow the way of the cross.

The police took our crosses from us. It was said they could be weapons. We were forced to leave them behind. They can take our crosses away from us, but they cannot take us from the cross. We refuse to be defeated by their attempts at demoralization. We have no weapons; we have come in peace. We follow the way of the cross.

I feel small at the feet of the gate, but stand strong before this power and humble before God. May our tears water the earth and bring forth fruits of love, justice, forgiveness and reconciliation.

Christ is here.
We follow the way of the cross.

network of spiritual progressives/tikkun

2007-11-19T16:55:00.000-06:00

Network of Spiritual Progressives

Tikkun Magazine

At the SOA weekend, I had the pleasure to see Rabbi Michael Lerner speak about his vision of the Global Marshall Plan and his theology in action of the "left hand of God" (also the name of his book). I highly recommend looking into the organization, his book and Tikkun Magazine. I was deeply moved by his passion and vision.

2007-11-19T14:58:00.001-06:00

CLICK HERE

SOA Protest/Vigil 2007

2007-11-19T14:40:00.000-06:00

There is so much to say though difficult to find the words to use. The eight of us made it to Ft. Benning, GA and back in less then 3 days. Over the 2,000 miles of driving and intense sleep deprivation we managed to keep ourselves centered and focused.

I plan on doing some writing on the trip soon. I am still decompressing and working through all of the experiences in my mind. The weekend held many spiritual and profound moments.

I left not knowing any of the people I traveled with. I returned feeling a great deal of love and connection with them. It was difficult to be the one new person, as they are all already friends. They are in the MASJ program at Loyola/IPS while I am MAPC.....so, it was a little tense for me at first. However, I managed to jump in pretty quickly.

I hope to have some writing done soon. I also have to jump back into papers and reading for school. I had decided to press on with the trip to Kansas this week, and juggle the big term paper - but it looks as if though I will be staying behind anyway, seeing as Graham was not able to find anyone to watch the animals. Everyone I know lives far away or won't be in town. So, I hope to use that time to read and write. I am not sure how much I will get done today. This past weekend calls for some significant, deep reflection.

Photos from the trip

words cannot explain

2007-11-15T19:27:00.000-06:00

how tired I am right now. I still have baking, laundry and packing to do. I am headed to GA in the morning with the IPS/Loyola crew. I will be sans email/computer access until Monday. So, have a great weekend friends!

http://www.soaw.org

a depeche find!

2007-11-14T21:46:00.000-06:00

I thought I had seen it all. Back in the late 80's I was a Depeche Mode junkie. Long before the days of filesharing, youtube or even compact discs, it was a challenge to get your hands on everything your favorite band did. In Junior High Depeche Mode was IT for me.....I listened to other things, but as some can attest when I had a favorite - it was eat, sleep, breathe that favorite. I collected DM 12" singles with every mega mix, super mix, crazy mix (yadda yadda yadda) that one could imagine!! It was like an ongoing scavenger hunt for the next nugget. There was no internet back then, you couldn't just order that one you couldn't find from Germany or find it on eBay. You just had to dig through record store bins every few weeks and see what you could find. That was so much fun! I would fill most weekends with babysitting gigs to make money to buy more records.

In 8th grade, I had this collection of Depeche Mode videos that I rented from the mom and pop video store. I copied it with our double VCR hook up and watched it until it died. It had years worth of videos - but it didn't have this one!! I mean, if you watch it, you might think, "well it's pretty silly!" But all the rest of their videos were pretty silly too. I mean, crikey, People or People was filmed on a Naval vessel! huh? So, I am not entirely sure why it didn't make the cut on the video. But, I am pretty floored to find it now. I used to love this song! (warning: it is SO dated now)

Best part? The video makes me giggle.

good news

2007-11-13T17:59:00.001-06:00

I got a call from the doctor today and the good news is that all of my tests came back normal. So, this is quite a relief! I still would like to know why I have persistent pelvic pain and discomfort, and will be calling the doctor to discuss further possibilities. But, I am so relieved that we have ruled out tumors and/or cancer.

In more good news....Graham was offered a permanent position at his job (no more temping!) with a promotion and a raise! This is fantastic news! This new position comes with a lot more stress and responsibility. So, he is a little unsure about it all. But, I know he will do well!

I got an extension on my research paper that is due on Tuesday, since I am going to the SOA weekend this week. However, I am panicking big time as I have a lot to read and a lot to write. Thankfully, I have gotten most of my other big projects out of the way and I can now focus in on this. It looks like I will have to spend a chunk of my Thanksgiving holiday in the books. I have considered not going on the trip to Kansas, but am not sure if that's the right decision. I have to admit that 6 straight days of nothing but time to read and write is very appealing. However, spending Thanksgiving at home with Em? We might get kind of cranky. So, we'll see.

Sarah tried on the first of the legwarmers today and it fit like a glove! I am so happy she likes is. I just adore her! :) I can't wait to get the second one done - but I will not likely have much time to work on it until after the big paper. It is too intricate to do in the car - I will get sick.

Yeah, I have piles of books to read and loads of knitting to do....I have two car trips coming up. One week I will be doing 12-13 hours each way and the next week 11-12 hours each way and I can't do anything in a car. This is a travesty. ;)

the health update

2007-11-12T14:43:00.001-06:00

is that there isn't much of an update. I went in for an ultrasound today. The tech said that this doctor likes to follow up with her patients personally and I should expect a call later this week. When I have the info, so will you. Thank you to everyone who has been keeping me in their thoughts and prayers. The not knowing is a difficult part.

Peace.

sam cooke

2007-11-12T14:38:00.000-06:00

Sam Cooke is one of my all time favorites.There are really no words for how I feel about him. To say I adore Sam Cooke is a massive understatement. He is so handsome, and his voice makes my insides wiggle.

Here is a clip of him covering the Dylan classic "Blowin' in the Wind". Enjoy!

almost finished

2007-11-11T21:29:00.001-06:00

I have so much work to do for school, it's unreal.....and while I have gotten a few things done this weekend, I have been engrossed in this knitting project. This is the first of the pair - and all the fair isle work is now finished. I just need to do the cuff on the end, and that's that! I was just in awe watching this come together, I couldn't stop! I will not start on the second one until later in the week. I need to buckle down with a lot of reading and writing.....but, I wanted to share the joy.

fair isle

2007-11-10T20:17:00.001-06:00

This is my first attempt at fair isle knitting. It was a bit difficult at first, but now I am really savoring the technique. There are a few things I will try differently on my second legwarmer of the set. I didn't carry the green properly for awhile so it peeks through a bit - but it doesn't bother me enough to go back and fix it. I will just do it differently next time.

I am really proud of myself for finally tackling this skill - I have been scared off by it for some time. I am addicted.