in memoriam of the katherine that was

I was digging through an old web account today where I had stored photos while I was in college. I hadn't seen this one in a long long time. Here I am taking a photograph at my hotel balcony in Havana, Cuba. I can tell I am smiling, likely because Karen, who took this photo, was likely trying to distract me. This trip was in June/July 2002 - my mother sent me on it as a part of my graduation present. It was a trip that changed my life and put such an intense love of Cuba in my heart.

This photo makes me smile, but is also makes me really sad. It seems like a lifetime ago and I was such a different person then. I liked myself back then. I was adventurous and outgoing. I had self-esteem and was confident and comfortable. These days? Not so much. It has been a downward spiral in that department since I moved to Chicago. I am not even sure I could tell you why. I am sure a good part of it has to do with isolation, loneliness and lack of community and connection. I have analyzed it ad nauseum without any real answers. I miss those days and I miss the me of those days.

2002 was one of the best years of my life as I graduated college and started graduate school. That summer was filled with travel, friends, family, new opportunities, critical mass, a lot of shows/concerts. It really was a major turning point in my development and direction.....I hope to reclaim some of what I have lost in recent years with a return to graduate school and engaging in community and work that matters.