thirty three years and one wicked stepmom

Wow, it is hard to believe I am 33 years old today! Almost one third of a century. My health has been deteriorating significantly over the last year, and I am making a commitment to be in ideal shape and health by the 34th! YES!

I have received a number of very kind birthday greetings from so many sweet friends and family. However, old habits die hard when I found a snarky, critical post it note stuck on the inside of my birthday card from my dad, written by my stepmom. I don't even know if my father knows that she does those things. But, I emailed him this morning and let him know that I didn't appreciate it. I asked why a gift couldn't just be given in the spirit of love and kindness, without attached criticism thrown in. I don't get it. I mean, I do - I have known that woman long enough. I know she doesn't like me or the idea of my existence......but, just let it go for one day lady.

It was because of a similar action that caused me to be estranged from my father for YEARS. So, I find it shocking during a moment in time where we have been making progress on healing a VERY broken relationship, that these things continue. It makes me sad, but I also am not surprised and just have to let it go. She was critical of my returning to school and how I need to get a "career". She has no place to criticize me. She hasn't been involved in ANY aspect of my life for YEARS......she has no place, no room, no right to go there. These decisions are between me and my husband and our families who offer us love and support. I hadn't spoken to her in YEARS until my grandmother's funeral a month ago. While our conversation wasn't exactly comfortable, I thought that maybe we broke some new ground to move forward - at least to allow me room to have some access to my father. Like I said....old habits. It was just a short note, but the baggage it carries with it is immense.

I did send a note to my father thanking him for his card and gift - but I did mention the note and how it hurt my feelings. If he wasn't aware of those things before, he will be now. Our relationship is so broken, what does it hurt to be honest now. And if I am not honest about this stuff now - we will have no room to keep mending. Get it out and let it go.......