Lolita's Closet

A couple weeks ago I posted about the vile shirts Emily and I saw at the mall - I am glad to know that I am not the only one who is aware of the growing negative and destructive messages being sold to our kids. Here is a good article I found on Slate.com.

this woman is going to be president

your weekly youtube installment - pt.2

Alright....so, I have been having a little too much fun weeding through youtube this afternoon. Here's a gem...I have never been a HUGE fan of the Jam. It seems most fans of The Jam are dedicated obsessives. I have always appreciated them, more for what they were than anything they put out - if that makes any sense. However, there is one exception.....



This song reminds me of my time in England in the late 90's....my housemate in Salford was a diehard Weller/Jam fan. It was a song that was part of my life soundtrack at the point in my life, and it is just so....so....British! It reminds me of cold afternoons in the Salford and Manchester council houses.

and let's just be honest, this is one of the greatest songs.....EVER.

that's right it's time for your weekly youtube installment

I first heard Fuzzbox is probably 1988. I loved their distorded, fuzzy guitar sound and their sassy female vocals. I was pretty taken by their album cover:
Their punky hair and crazy clothes were intriguing and daring - or so I thought at the time. They intimidated me and I thought, "wow, I could never be as cool as them."I had forgotten about Fuzzbox by the time I was 16 and a Junior in high school, when my friend Kati pulled out the tape one day in her car. It then became a staple again amongst my friends in Nashville. Many years later I wanted to hear it again. Out of print and hard to find, I finally picked it up on eBay on vinyl. I don't even think that one album is on CD, though you can get most of those songs on other collections.

I was thinking about them last week and did a youtube search and came across this video for one of my favorite songs they did, "Love is the Slug". It always seemed to be the song that defined their sound. It sounds pretty dated now and the video projects an image of them that was very different than the image I had of them in my head, as a young teen. Here, they come across as very poppy and bubblegum-ish. Essentially, they were a bubblegum post punk group; kind of like a Go-Go's with big hair. However, when I was young, I thought they would have been hard edged bad asses - and they come across as kind of ditsy and lame in this video. Ahhhh well.....it's still fun to look back.

time flies when yer stuck on the outer drive express

Wow, this week has flown by! I have had an interesting and exhausting week. It has been difficult getting used to a new schedule. Getting up at 6:30am is not my bag. So, it is going to be a challenge to get a new schedule in place, and give much needed time and attention to rest, health and care.

The commute from door to door is about 2 hours. I am trying to readjust my attitude towards it. I have generally considered commute time as a part of "work" and I am trying to think of it more as a time of "leisure." I have time to read, knit, listen to podcasts, and relax. I am still trying to find the best way to get from the Metra station downtown to work and back to the station. So, it's going to take a little while to knock the kinks out of my routine. The Outer Drive Express bus broke down three times while I was on it on Wednesday and yesterday morning I waited over 40 min on Michigan Ave for one to arrive. Very frustrating. I may just stick to the Red Line and have a little extra walking in my day - which is a good thing!

I know some of the work will be a bit dry, but some of the materials we work with are fascinating.

Above is a photo of Mollie West. She is fascinating. That photo was of her on her first trip to Russia, at a labor union rally/demonstration. She emigrated to the US from Poland as a child, was politically active at the age of 12, and a member of the Communist Party into the 1960's. Most of her items and paperwork have been catalogued, however there is an addendum yet to be processed and I am going to have the honor of working with it. I am very excited about this. I will share more about Mollie as the days pass. She is still alive, though in her mid nineties. Beth (my boss) and I have talked about going to meet her. She is in a nursing home just down the way from Loyola. We aren't sure what the proper protocol is, but we would like to visit with her and enjoy some of her company. Beth wasn't sure of her lucidity these days, but maybe we can try and visit sometime soon.

I enjoyed a quiet day at home today. I plan on relaxing as much as possible over the weekend, but have an orientation at IPS tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. Next week will be my first full week of both work and class. It's going to be a challenge, and I hope to be in a good routine within the next few weeks, so I am better able to enjoy my time at home.

your weekly youtube installment

I still listen to the B-52's on a regular basis - though if I hear "Love Shack" one more time my brain might explode. Oy, I always hated that song. They were a staple in Jr High and into high school.

You just can't deny the energy and greatness of early B-52's. I thought this would be a fun Friday video.

DANCE!

god save the queen

Back in the summer of 1977 I was only 3 years old. So, it wasn't until the summer of 1987 that I first heard the Sex Pistols. I remember being enthralled with the simplistic, grinding guitars and the snotty vocals.

As a pretty sheltered 13 year old, I had no clue what I was listening to in any sort of cultural and social context. It wasn't until years later that I had any real appreciation for them, even though I had always been attracted to and in awe of them. There is something about the Sex Pistols, like a trainwreck. You just can't look away. Of course the demise and tabloid life and death of Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy Spungeon was all a part of the circus and the fascination.

While nowadays you can see Sex Pistols teeshirts and records in stores in the mall, and most music purists just write them off as a cultural oddity with no talent or lasting meaning - for a moment in time, they stepped out of the matrix, and meant something and said something that challenged a nation. For a moment, they were a voice for the discontented working class in the UK and a symbol of unadulterated, chaotic youth. Of course, that moment was fleeting, the circus came, and it was over.

I remain fascinated by the Sex Pistols. While "God Save The Queen" is not my favorite song by them, I believe it is the one that best represents that moment where they created a spark and gripped the nation. If you ever want to watch a fascinating documentary, even if you aren't a fan, pick up The Filth and The Fury. It is a great doc about the rise and fall of the Sex Pistols and puts them in the cultural and social context, which is key to understanding them and the UK in the late 1970's.



It's funny to think that the Sex Pistols were indeed a piece of the formation of my political and social consciousness as it was developing in my early teens.........

Enjoy.

and the winner is.....

ME! I got the call late this morning that the position is being offered to me, and I accepted! I will be starting next Tuesday. I am kind of freaking out with this last MA exam hanging over my head, as I am not sure how I am going to find the time to do everything. But, I will do what I can. Work it!

I have been checking the train and CTA schedules and it looks like it will be a long, but do-able commute. I hope to be able to utilize that time to study as much as I can.

So, for this next week, I will be cracking down on studying for the 3rd exam. Then I start next week at the archives. I have an IPS open house the following Saturday, and then start classes the next Tuesday. So, wow, it's just crazy how this has all fallen into place so quickly! It's funny how fate works sometimes. I was bummed about not getting a departmental assistantship at IPS, but now am getting something even better! And to think just a few months ago I was totally miserable, working in a cube at IVP - and now I am going to a fantastic program at Loyola and have a drop dead awesome assistantship to boot! Happy dance!

Here is where I will be working: Women and Leadership Archives

and this is the beautiful building I will be in......

today's the big day

I should find out today whether or not I got the assistantship I interviewed for. I am giddy like a schoolgirl, nervous, excited, but also relaxed. I really want this position, we REALLY need the money and it would be a fantastic experience. However, I am concerned about the amount of time left for me to do homework. I would be working on MWF and in class T/Th. I could make it work, but it would be difficult. Add on my rape crisis advocacy responsibilities, and would I ever be home? I would have to find a balance.

So, I am sitting tight, hopeful that the woman I interviewed with does in fact pass down a decision today. If I don't get it, I am okay with that. Like people who in the running for an Academy Award say, just being nominated is an honor. I was one of three finalists for the position out of over 100. So, that is quite an honor and makes me feel good. Over all those years of job searching in vain, it's good to know my CV stood out for once.

Anyhow, I will post as soon as I hear anything..........pins and needles.....pins and needles.......

leather pants

This could very well be my favorite U2 song, and one of my all time favorite songs. I love this video because....

a. They are so young

b. Bono has on leather pants

c. Bono does a great Mick Jagger impersonation.

d. Bono does this really exaggerated lip syncing, which is pretty hilarious.

e. This is just an amazingly simple and profound song.

Enjoy.

what did that say??

I took my thirteen year old shopping today for some back to school clothing. We set ourselves a budget and hit *gulp* the mall. The mall is a place I avoid at all costs - but this was her day, her choice, her clothes. Emily is into the alterna-trendy stores like Hot Topic and Zumies. These stores sell a lot of the same gendered ideals as do the Aeropostales and Abercrombies of the world. I have issue with a lot of it, but it's hard to escape. Instead of pastel colors and hyper sexualized messages everything is black, red and hypersexualized.

I remain firm on my rules about no teeshirts with words on them, like "I'm a Princess" etc. A band tee shirt, I can live with - little designs, etc - sure. Well, I was in for a shock today as we went into Spencers. Now, I know this store has always been tacky, tasteless and ridiculous. But when I was a kid, it was all about fart jokes and hunky man birthday cards. Now, they have a video playing in the store about how to pole dance. Did you know that pole dancing is the new face of female empowerment? I am not kidding. They actually use the language of empowerment to talk about acting out stripper fantasies. Crazy. Emily and I talked a bit about that and what it means and why I find it to be troublesome. After reading the book Packaging Girlhood, I decided to attempt a more Socratic approach in discussing these cultural atrocities with Emily.

Well, back to the tees.....I am at a coffeeshop......I was going to find a picture of one of these tees I am talking about, but lo and behold, the Spencers site is blocked here due to sexualized content. Well, I can't remember off the top of my head all of the ridiculously unhealthy and derogatory messages being sold to girls to plaster across their chests - but besides the sexual and aggressive messages I have seen before, I was pretty taken aback to see a slew of tee shirts glorifying binge drinking!! One said something like, "I don't leave until I hurl" and had an image of a pitcher of beer on it.

The culture being sold to young girls and women today is so vile and so ridiculous - so, what's next - binge drinking as empowerment? I am young, I am free, I am woman, I am empowered - watch me drink and strip. Yeah, that's progress. :(

now, every kitty can be a hello kitty!

Does this constitute cuteness or possible animal abuse? The jury is still out.....but, do you think this would do wonders for our cat Tommy's self esteem or send him into new depths of anxiety and fear? Would he parade himself proudly or send out helpless cries of despair from his corner in the closet he likes to sleep in?

Part of me wants to get this, just to get photographs of our bewildered cats wearing them - then again, I don't really want to spend the money on something that will end up in the AmVets giveaway box within a month. And on that note, I wonder what some random person, finding this in a thrift store, would think of it.

a happy video for a really cruddy friday

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

--Marianne Williamson

oh kirsty

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was a Smiths FANATIC. I ate, slept and breathed Morrissey / Marr / Joyce / Rourke. So, after they broke up I kept up with all of their projects. In 1989, Kirsty MacColl, who did backups on a few Smiths tunes and who herself covered "You Just Haven't Earned It Yet Baby" on the She's Having a Baby Soundtrack put out her solo effort, Kite. Smiths' guitarist Johnny Marr played on this album, so I picked it up. She always much more of a following and notoriety in the UK and was virtually unknown in the US. She has quite a musical history.

This album was a nice surprise. A mix of folky rock, jangly Smiths guitar stylings, a little country, a little pop and the now trademark layered vocal arrangements, this album really delivered. I loved it. I wore out the cassette in high school and it has long since disappeared. So, a few years ago I looked to buy it on CD. It was out of print - and fairly expensive to buy new. We couldn't find it to download anywhere. I forgot about it until a couple months ago. I just HAD to hear it......

I was pleased to see that it was re-issued a couple years ago. So, I put in an order for it and Amazon said it would take at least a month to get, since it was a UK import. So, I canceled and ordered from a used seller - I waited two weeks and then got an email saying that they had miscounted their stock and didn't have it. So, I let it go again.......It went back up on my wish list and kept haunting me. I wanted to hear it so badly! So, a couple weeks again I tried with a used seller again......and then......

Today.....it appears in my mailbox. It was like opening a box of candy. I ran to my computer, ripped it onto my iTunes - so I could put it on my new iPod (birthday gift from Graham!). I am sitting here alone at home with the volume cranked, singing my head off with Kirsty, remembering back 15+ years ago when this album was worn out in my tape deck.......it has been remastered, has a great insert and sounds better than EVER! Oh, thank the heavens......it is bliss.

Kirsty was killed in an accident in 2000 - I still remember pausing for a moment when I saw the marquee above the big indie record store in St Louis acknowledging her passing.......I am glad to have her back on my CD player.

--

Here are the lyrics to her song "Fifteen Minutes" - oh how you could sing that about some of the young "divas" poisoning our media today......

Seven times in seven days
I've sat and wished my life away
I know the greyness comes and goes
But the sun don't shine
And the snow don't snow
There's Suzy-Ann with her tits and curls
Where mediocrity excels
For those vicious boys and their boring girls
You know it makes me sick but it's a bozo's world
Then there's always the cash
Selling yourself for some trash
Smiling at people that you cannot stand
You're in demand
Your fifteen minutes start now
City banker looks are in
The heartless heart, the chinless chin
And you'd spill your beans for just a pint of gin
How you got so holy
And became so thin
In Sunday papers every week
The silly words you love to speak
The tacky photos and the phoney smiles
Well it's a bozo's world
And you're a bozo's child
Then there's always the cash
Selling yourself for some trash
Smiling at people that you cannot stand
You're in demand
Your fifteen minutes start now
Then there's always the fame!
Autographs now and again
People who saw you on Blankety Blank
Or in the bank
Your fifteen minutes start now.

the providence of north carolina

Okay, it is nearing 100 degrees in Chicago this week. Our car has been without a blower fan on our a/c for some time. I was sitting in the coffee shop studying yesterday, dreading leaving because the heat was just unbearable. If you are moving, it's not that bad.....but this is Chicago and there is no such thing as free flowing traffic. So you end up standing still, as the car heats up faster than my oven pre-heats. It is miserable. So, I decided - I have had it! I am getting that thing fixed! So, I call a local Honda shop and price it and also decide to get the 225K tuneup on it.....I haggled a free rental car from them, since the cost kept skyrocketing. (It went even higher after they discovered an internal oil leak while doing the tuneup - ugh) Our car is old - but it has a lot of life left - it just needs a little pick me up. So, we are forking out the money to keep her on life support.

To get to the point......I have a rental car for a few days. It is a nice little itty bitty Kia Rio. So, I was running some errands in it yesterday afternoon (loving the a/c in it!) and when I emerged from Target, I walked to where I thought I had parked the car. Seeing a little Kia - but with North Carolina plates, I was very confused. I did a double take and looked around the lot, thinking - where is the car I rented?? So, I went up to the one with NC plates and peeked inside and saw my bag in there. I had no idea that I was driving a car with NC plates. For some reason I like driving with out of state plates. People tend to be more forgiving on the road, they assume you don't know what you're doing. So, throughout the afternoon I would remember - wow, I have North Carolina plates! I have no idea why I found this to be so entertaining, but I did.

Around 4:30pm, as I was driving Graham home I received a call from a YWCA advocate to see if I wanted to shadow a hospital call. I was hesitant, because I still hadn't dropped Graham at home and I was all dirty and sweaty. As I was about to say, "can't do it today" I was overcome with a feeling of....."what are you thinking? You need to get a shadow out of the way so you can start taking calls. It's not THAT out of the way. We are almost home.....go....go....go" and I said to the woman on the phone....."YES! I will be there!"

As I headed out to the hospital I "centered my chi" and did my ritual of breathing and prayer/meditation while in transit - like I used to do when I did hospital calls/rape victim advocacy in St Louis.

I can't divulge much information about the call, because of confidentiality.......but, after about 30 minutes with the assault victim and her family member, it came out that they had moved here from North Carolina. What a coincidence. As I left, I told the advocate I was working with about the North Carolina plates and my last words to her were, "what providence!"

As I pondered this coincidence on my way home, this intense feeling of peace came over me as I thought about how I felt this to be a divine message that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. This work has felt like a calling - a spirited, beautiful calling - for a long time now......and the gears in in motion for school, volunteer work, etc to keep all of this moving. I am so excited about the program Loyola.....so excited about working with women......and so excited that these plans I was once enthusiastic, yet hesitant, about now seem to be in full swing and it's happening!! I have faith and trust and so much joy about this path. It really is the BEST birthday present I could receive. This experience yesterday was like a little Birthday card from God saying, "I love you and am proud of you - work it girl!"

And I get to drive the Kia - my little Birthday card from God - for a couple more days!

thirty three years and one wicked stepmom

Wow, it is hard to believe I am 33 years old today! Almost one third of a century. My health has been deteriorating significantly over the last year, and I am making a commitment to be in ideal shape and health by the 34th! YES!

I have received a number of very kind birthday greetings from so many sweet friends and family. However, old habits die hard when I found a snarky, critical post it note stuck on the inside of my birthday card from my dad, written by my stepmom. I don't even know if my father knows that she does those things. But, I emailed him this morning and let him know that I didn't appreciate it. I asked why a gift couldn't just be given in the spirit of love and kindness, without attached criticism thrown in. I don't get it. I mean, I do - I have known that woman long enough. I know she doesn't like me or the idea of my existence......but, just let it go for one day lady.

It was because of a similar action that caused me to be estranged from my father for YEARS. So, I find it shocking during a moment in time where we have been making progress on healing a VERY broken relationship, that these things continue. It makes me sad, but I also am not surprised and just have to let it go. She was critical of my returning to school and how I need to get a "career". She has no place to criticize me. She hasn't been involved in ANY aspect of my life for YEARS......she has no place, no room, no right to go there. These decisions are between me and my husband and our families who offer us love and support. I hadn't spoken to her in YEARS until my grandmother's funeral a month ago. While our conversation wasn't exactly comfortable, I thought that maybe we broke some new ground to move forward - at least to allow me room to have some access to my father. Like I said....old habits. It was just a short note, but the baggage it carries with it is immense.

I did send a note to my father thanking him for his card and gift - but I did mention the note and how it hurt my feelings. If he wasn't aware of those things before, he will be now. Our relationship is so broken, what does it hurt to be honest now. And if I am not honest about this stuff now - we will have no room to keep mending. Get it out and let it go.......